Sibling Rivalry Will End, Right?

To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure how my brother and I lived in the same house for all those years and managed to escape alive. We were almost four years apart, and we made cats and dogs look like best friends. We fought over everything—from the meaningless and mundane, to the important and life changing.

Our disagreements could lead to verbal screaming fits, where words exited our mouths that would make a sailor blush. At times, these verbal wars led to physical altercations. On more than one occasion, we would end up breathless and bruised after a wrestling match that could have landed us a gig on Saturday Night's Main Event.

It drove my parents crazy. I think we came pretty close to giving them both a nervous breakdown.

Now that I’m a parent, I really feel for what we put them through. My two little fighter-in-training are still toddlers, yet they can throw down with the best of them. My back is only turned for a second when I hear desperate screams coming from a two-year-old who has been tackled by a four-year-old and is trying frantically to escape his death grip.

If one wants the other’s toy, they think nothing of a swift kick or a forcible push to get what they want. Our days are filled with punching, kicking, hitting, scratching, pushing, and, sometimes, hair pulling. Crying, screaming, and/or begging are all usually involved, as well. It is very loud. No one ever told me that parenting would be so loud.

Although I had often heard that a part of the parenting role is to play referee, this has still taken me by surprise. I haven’t yet figured out if this is surprising to me because I didn’t expect this to be an issue so soon, or because I didn’t think it would be an issue at all.

I think there was a small part of me that thought “not my children!” Did I really think that my children would be different from millions of other siblings out there? That I had the magic answers, and that this would be an issue for everyone but us?

I know that I didn’t expect it to happen so young.

Yet here we are. The fighting is a constant in our lives—a daily occurrence. It is both trying and exasperating. At times, I worry about the extent of their fighting, but usually when worries start to creep in they will do something so loving and tender to each other that it wipes away all my fears. Along with the arguing and tussling, there are kisses and hugs. My heart swelled with pride when my daughter was being bullied by one of her daycare friends and my son calmly and quietly walked over to them, placed himself in between the aggressor and his sister, and slowly pushed the other child back and away from his sister—all without saying a word.

It was then that I realized that just as I love my brother with an unconditional love and protectiveness that can only be shared by siblings, my children love each other and protect each other, too. More important than their battles is their affection for each other. I watch them fight it out, then minutes later they are happily playing together, giggling in their own little world. Watching them, I am fully aware of how the tables have turned.

Hopefully, just as my brother and I fought and made up, my two wrestlers-in-training will learn how to navigate the delicate world of sibling rivalry, and come out of it with a friend for life.