Meeting Celebrities...As a Celebrity

I’ve hosted shows on cable TV for a number of years but I'll never be a household name. (You just scrolled down to see my name and picture didn’t you? And you still have no idea who I am, don’t you? See.)

Sometimes when I’m out in public I evoke the occasional generic inquiry like: “Hey, you’re that lady from that tv show aren’t you?” Awkward. The first time I was ever recognized was in the freezer section of my local grocery store. A woman cornered me and asked the above question to which I proudly replied “ Why yes I am.” She retorted with; “Wow they must really have to put A LOT of makeup on YOU!”

From that moment on, I’ve chosen to answer any and all public enquires with a solid “No comment.”

I can’t imagine being a real celebrity. Everything you do or say is splashed across the internet within minutes. People you don’t even know dissect your every move and make rash judgments about your character based on a brief run in that you may not even recall. And they then take that fleeting moment and exaggerate it into a plethora of memories the two of you shared so they have cocktail party fodder for the rest of their lives. “Did I ever tell you about the time Dave Letterman and I…” We’ve all done it, and even though I know how much it can hurt, I am no exception. So in the spirit of good cocktail party fodder, I will give you my top ten celebrity encounters. Pour yourself another vodka gimlet and lean in close. Did I ever tell you about the time...

I met “Jerry” (note: always refer to them by their first name implying you actually “know” them) while working at a local TV autograph booth at a country fair on July 4th in Ohio. Armed with a black sharpie marker and his huge bodyguard, “Jerry” handled the mass hysteria of drunken redneck fans with grace. When one female fan requested he sign her bare chest, “Jerry” looked at me and blushed like a grandfather in pleated Dockers, in that moment , "Jerry's" shock jock TV host image was forever shattered in my eyes.

I read the Jessica Alba part in a table read of the “Love Guru” movie. He sat beside me and it was the first time in my life I’d ever felt tall. Right away I liked this “Verne.”

Strange animal “Gowan” and I crossed paths in a crosswalk in downtown Chicago, I yelled out “Hey Gowan!” to which he replied “You must be Canadian” and kept walking.

“Dougie” the former Toronto Maple Leaf star and I bank at the same spot and I can report unequivocally from our many ATM encounters that his hockey butt still looks exemplary in pair of dungarees.

“The King” and I (and my son and twenty-something others) shared the floor for a pre-game warm up before his very first NBA game in Cleveland. The take away lesson I learned that night; when a man’s arms are bigger than your legs, chances are he’s going places.

Back stage after a food fight, “Paula” hugged me and called me Sugar. I fell in love with her immediately, that southern drawl melts you like butter.

I was in high school and a friend of mine, a security guard at Exhibition Stadium, snuck me back stage just before his concert. “John” walked by and smiled at me, I smiled back and he leaned over to one of his staff, and pointed at me…and had me thrown out.

While at a baseball tournament in Wheeling, West Virginia I encountered some of the band members at the breakfast buffet in our hotel. Apparently it’s never too early in the day to wear black pleather.

“MK” (or possibly “ASH”) and I met at Starbucks in NYC. Upon seeing her my motherly instinct kicked in and I had an overwhelming urge to make her a big sandwich and a bowl of soup. Instead I just reached over her right arm and grabbed a packet of Splenda to sweeten my tea.

When I was in University I stood in line behind “Kev” at a pharmacy in Montreal. He was buying disposable razors and laxatives. Yes, go ahead you can use me as your one degree of separation in the "Kevin Bacon game" now—that is, of course, if you can ever remember my name.

Meeting Celebrities...As a Celebrity

Stargazing that ranges from hilarious to awkward