"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
- "Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon
We grow up visualizing the happily ever after picture in our mind with the perfect partner and relationship, healthy and happy children, beautiful home, fulfilling career, etc. but the real truth is that life is unpredictable. At any given time anyone of us may experience a tragedy that will lead to a crisis situation. The real challenge then becomes how to deal with the setbacks so they don't defeat us as a person or a family unit. I know this reality all too well as the parent to a child with autism, but this particular blog post is not about me or my family. Let me introduce you to Linda and Tony Cole.
When Linda and Tony set out on their life together their hopes and expectations were no different than many other couples wishing for health, happiness, and prosperity. They also had dreams and plans for their son Anthony. As fate might have it, everything changed one day when their 12-year old son collapsed on the school playground. Anthony suffered a heart attack that left him with brain damage. This is where the Coles' life as they knew it changed forever.
In their book Resurrecting Anthony: A True Story of Courage and Destination the Coles share their struggles and successes dealing with a "medically complicated child". The Coles believe that it takes courage and commitment to keep a family unit together when the trend is for most couples to crumble under the pressure. The Coles feel there is value in sharing their story to help other families adapt to their new reality and eventually accept a new way of life.
The Coles have a couple of lists to share that suggest helpful coping strategies when dealing with family issues and services in the community.
TEN COPING STRATEGIES FOR CRISIS
By Linda Cole, author of Resurrecting Anthony: A True Story of Courage and Destination
1. Recruit and accept help and emotional support through family and friends. Do not try to weather the crisis alone.
2. Confide in your primary physician.
3. Be positive. Be proactive. Your attitude will contribute greatly to the outcome. Educate yourself and be involved as much as possible.
4. Recognize that “This too shall pass.” You will have a “normal” life again, although it may never be as it was.
5. Find your mental “get-away” for particularly traumatic moments. Example: Envision yourself floating on calm water. Block out all distractions and center yourself.
6. Focus on others. Do not internalize. Who else needs your help during this crisis? How can you help those around you?
7. Stay busy. This is a bad time to be idle. Don’t sit home alone.
8. Exercise regularly. Walk, run, bicycle thirty minutes every other day. The endorphins released will help you mentally and emotionally. Your sleep will improve. Your body will be stronger and you will feel more in control.
9. Sleep. Get a good night’s sleep. Your body and brain need the recuperation times. If you are exhausted, you will be less effective at a critical time.
10. Eat well. Eat well-balanced meals, lots of fruits and vegetables, good proteins and complex carbohydrates. Your body and mind are in a state of hyper-stress. They need useful nutrients, not chemicals, processes and additives that sap your strength.
Finally, you will have moments that you can’t avoid. Find a place, mine was in the closet, where you can really cry. Let it come. But set a limit, perhaps 4-5 minutes. Afterward move on. Do not dwell.
GUIDELINES FOR PRODUCTIVE RELATIONSHIPS WITH INSURANCE COMPANIES, HOSPITALS, SCHOOLS AND GOVERNMENT AGENCIES
1. Try to work with the doctors, nurses, therapists, teachers, social workers and case managers with a “team” type of mentality– use “we” instead of “you” or “I.” Offer to help whenever possible. Be polite and positive.
2. Listen carefully. Don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions or for clarification when you don’t understand something.
3. Take notes during all your phone interviews and meetings. You will then be able to reference important names, phone numbers and dates at a later time.
4. If possible, use email when communicating, in person is not practical. Copy yourself. This allows you to keep a “paper” trail. Email is also a good tool for summarizing a meeting, listing action steps and noting who is responsible for doing what and when. The “Reply to All” option is an excellent way to keep a team informed and up to date.
5. Be persistent. Follow up regularly to ensure your case is moving forward. If, as is sometimes the case, by the 3rd call you still have not gotten an answer, start counting. “Hello, this is my 3rd call, and I’m sure you must be busy but…” This technique works great as a gentle reminder and often gets results.
6. Be appreciative of the efforts these people make on your behalf. They are often over-worked and underpaid. Thank them regularly.
7. Try to be as actively involved as you can in your loved one’s therapy and patient care.
8. Look for any ways you can break up the routine or incorporate fun into these tasks – everyone’s morale can suffer from boredom and can benefit from a change in routine, no matter how small.
9. Regularly ask the advice of hospital and school personnel - your loved one will benefit greatly if you can tap into the experience and knowledge they have to offer.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Linda Cole is the founder of Alexandra Publishing. Linda's goal is to share the 'Personal Courage Series' of stories with those who are enduring difficult times.
Tony Cole is the founder and CEO of Anthony Cole Training Group. As a keynote speaker Tony uses "Resurrecting Anthony" as a basis for his inspiring 'Ignite the Fire Within' speeches.
You can follow @Linda_Cole on Twitter and find Resurrecting Anthony on Facebook. You can also read excerpts from "Resurrecting Anthony" on the website www.resurrectinganthony.com.
BOOKALICIOUS BOOK GRAB GIVEAWAY
Alexandra Publishing is offering copies of Resurrecting Anthony for 2 lucky Bookalicious readers who leave a comment below sharing a story of personal courage.
Yummy Rules and Regs: You must be a Yummy Mummy Club member to win. Click to sign up! It's free and filled with perks. One comment per member. Entries accepted until May 30th, 2011. The Resurrecting Anthony contest is open only to residents of the continental US. Winners will be picked using www.random.org. Good luck!
Relish readings,
Wanda Lynne Young
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