I was watching the Cityline Valentine's Day Special just a few days ago where Queen Yummy Mummy Club Erica Ehm was one of their special guests. Recently Yummy Mummy Club published the results from our sex survey and the answers basically indicate that we should plan and prepare for our intimate moments if we want to get some.
The show's host Tracey, the other guests and the audience members were awestruck by a funny thing that Erica said (btw, she doesn't think she's funny but she actually has a witty dry sense of humour). When asked for tips on how to keep the spark in a relationship Erica recommended what she calls "married porn". I know what everyone was thinking (insert gasps here!) but actually Erica was referring to one's mate making gestures or doing chores to get their significant other in the mood. Ah, now we're talking right?
As tribute to all you marrieds, and long-term coupledoms out there I have a message to share from an author who has been there in a dreamed about her husband's funeral, struggled to save her marriage and lived to tell about it sort of way. This eloquent author, Alisa Bowman, has written a marriage memoir, Project: Happily Ever After, where she reveals her own marriage troubles and triumphs and offers some really good tips and tricks for the rest of us. We could all use a little reminder to keep romance in all the other days before and after Valentine's Day. Here's another tip (and note to self), print Alisa's message out, dust off the fridge and stick it there in plain sight. Enjoy!
A Valentine’s Message from Author Alisa Bowma
If your marriage is anything like mine, Valentine’s Day probably changed dramatically once kids entered the picture. That’s when that nice dinner out was replaced with you spending hours addressing dozens of silly cards and creating treat bags for your kid to hand out in school. It was probably around that time that you mumbled something about Valentine’s being a dumb holiday that was concocted by capitalists to entice innocent parents like you to part with your hard earned cash. Or maybe that’s just me. At any rate, I’d like to help you put the romance back in Valentine’s Day. This Valentine’s Day, consider making this a holiday that is just as much about your spouse as it is about your kids. Here are a few ways to do so.
Exchange love letters. Often, after years of marriage, we get focused on the negative and we tend to tell our spouse all about what’s wrong with him rather than what’s right. If things get really bad, we trick ourselves into believing that we married the wrong person and that we never fell in love in the first place. But unless you married for money, you fell in love. Rediscover why. Make your love letter a list of simple reasons you love your spouse—ranging from “you kill all of the bugs” to “you fix what’s broken.” Exchange these letters once a year on Valentine’s Day.
Renew your vows. Do you remember your original wedding vows? Most people can’t. More important, the vast majority of traditional vows fail to guide couples toward a happy marriage. They are usually a list of feelings rather than a list of actions. I encourage you to create a list of actions and promises that you both feel are important in your marriage. It might include “When I am angry, I will tell you rather than making you guess” and “I will never withhold sex in order to get back at you for leaving your socks on the floor.” Read them and recommit to them each year on Valentine’s Day.
Create a Romance Instruction Manual. Is your spouse a romance doofus? This, thankfully, is not a terminal issue. You can do something about it. We are not born with a romance instinct. He just needs you to teach him what to do. Think of romance as all of the big and small ways he makes you feel adored. Create a list of possibilities and give him this list so he can look at it from time to time for inspiration. Here are some ideas for each of those categories:
Small Romantic Gestures
Whistle when I dress up.
Tell me I’m beautiful.
Marvel at my mothering abilities.
Send me a naughty text.
Help me with my coat.
Ask me about my day.
Rub my shoulders.
Bring me a cup of coffee or a glass of wine.
Cut flowers from the yard and put them in a vase.
Cook my favorite meal.
Clean the bathroom.
Pick up the kid’s toys or straighten their bedrooms.
Let me sleep in.
Take the kids for the day.
Big Romantic Gestures
Plan a vacation—just for us.
Eat at the nicest restaurant in town.
Send me flowers on a day that is not my birthday, anniversary or a holiday—just because.
Share a bottle of Opus One.
About the Author
BOOKALICIOUS BOOK GRAB GIVEAWAY
I have signed copies of "Project: Happily Ever After" to give to three lucky Bookalicious reader. To enter the giveaway answers the question, "How do you celebrate your mate?"
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You must be a Yummy Mummy Club member to win. Click to sign up! It's free and filled with perks. One comment per member. Entries accepted until Friday, February 18, 2011. Contest open to Canadian residents only. Winners will be picked using www.random.org.
Wanda Lynne Young
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