Tanya Enberg: Unexpected Mother


What This Very Groggy Writer Has Learned


It’s just after three a.m. and my brain has jolted me awake as it has every night, with the exception of one, for the past three weeks.

Thoughts fire through me like a race full of runners all competing for first place — little soldiers moving at a furious pace.

It's as if an internal alarm clock has rung and I am awake — wide-awake — when the sky is near black, the city quiet, and my family is sleeping peacefully.

There nudging me is a mad flurry of ideas, a bizarre surge of creativity.

I imagine that the whites of my eyes must flicker in the darkness as I check the time on my phone.

Then I toss for an hour, maybe two, sometimes three.

It has become something of a ritual.

That it is entirely unplanned is one thing, the struggle to find a way of embracing it something else altogether.

And so it is, I try to live in the moment.

When I achieve this, I find my bliss. I have been asked to contemplate the subject of bliss because, in just a couple of weeks, I will be attending my first-ever BlissDom Canada Conference.

Certainly I'd like to arrive well rested. I'd prefer not to be weighed down by giant black sacks under my eyes. I’d rather not be sleepy, dopey and grumpy (or any of the seven dwarfs for that matter), but that may not happen.

This is a reality I may have to accept, and I can’t waste time fretting over it.

See, amid my nightly awakenings, I could choose to worry about tomorrow and panic about how I am going to get through the day with so little sleep. I could allow anxiety to take over or get angry because, really, what the hell am I doing up at this ungodly hour anyway?

Yes, I could get whipped up into that furious mental hurricane of stress and frustration … toss, turn, toss. In some ways, that would be easier.

But I don’t. 

While I try to hush my thoughts, to tell them to wait until a decent hour, my attempts fail.

They are speeding racecars, fire engines heading to a six-alarm blaze, taxi drivers fighting for fares. They have somewhere to go, and won’t let me get in the way.

So I let them do their thing, jittery mice fastidiously creating nests.

Soon I might succumb to them even further and decide to untangle myself from the sheets and get to the business of writing.

This might (most probably will) happen.

Living in the moment is one of the hardest things I’ve consciously tried to achieve throughout the past few years. On the most daunting stretch of an arduous run, staring at a blank white page on the computer screen, crawling along in almost dead-still traffic … my goal is to breathe in what’s happening right now ... this very second ... and welcome it for what it is.

It is an open canvas urging me to allow life and all of its strangeness to unfold and settle in.

It is the unwritten story waiting to be written, and it can be exhausting to the bone, but make no mistake, it is also (much like getting a great night of sleep), pure bliss. 

For more articles, tips, and tricks to help you get organized and make the most of your blog and business visit our BlissDom Canada 2014: How Do You Find Your Bliss? page.

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We’re offering a special discount for BlissDom Canada to our YMC members. Use our special code for 15% off your BlissDom Canada Conference pass. Find out the details here.

Bonus! BlissDom and YMC want to send you to the conference for FREE this year in the #ThisIsBliss Contest. Have you entered yet?