It was bound to happen.
I live in a house surrounded by penises. Peni? Either/or there’s a lotta male hormones going on over here and I am the one lone female. I’m at a disadvantage for a more than a few reasons.
1) I have a vagina and when the kids come bounding into the bathroom, bedroom...or wherever I happen to be partially or fully nude, they are sent into spasms of laughter.
2) When I pee, I actually get it in the toilet.
3) We won’t get started on my deflated boobs and poor stretched, elongated nipples.
Son No. 1 is getting older – nearer to entering double digits than he is from toddlerhood. About a month ago, as we sat around the kitchen table, the boys started talking about babies. Up until this point, both were under the impression a baby came from a woman’s belly button. I wasn’t in any hurry to dispel that little myth but when Son No. 1 said “so and so from my class told me a baby comes from a mommy’s vagina and I laughed at him” I knew it was time to start dispelling. But not before there was wine dispensing.
Glass of chardonnay in hand I told them, yes, a baby really does come from a woman’s vagina. Laughter ensued.
Quite frankly, I don’t blame them.
I have always explained to them a baby was made from a seed that the daddy planted. When they envisioned him as a farmer in overalls and a straw hat, I was pretty much okay with that. And when they asked where the seeds came from, I was also okay with telling them to go ask the farmer in the family.
Then this week, the subject came up again and when I asked Son No. 1 where he thought the seed came from, his answer, although innocent and not a bad guess, was completely off base. I knew I had to have some sort of talk with him.
Son No. 1 has quite a few kids in his class who have older brothers and sisters. The information being dispersed was like a Jerry Seinfeld game of telephone. Mulva? Deloris?
So I went out on the weekend to buy a book – something age appropriate that would give him enough correct information without, you know, going above and beyond what an elementary kid needs to know.
The hunt wasn’t easy. I started off in the parenting section of Chapters and finally made my way over to the kids reference section. There were a few books about “What’s happening to my body” which were a bit beyond what I needed and seeing as he’s still a few years off from any of that happening, I didn’t want to plant any seeds....like his farmer dad and all that.
After much searching, I found this.
The entire book is done in cartoons with a bird explaining to the reluctant to learn - can we talk about something else? ANYTHING else? - bee pretty much every question my son had on where babies came from, and then some.
I gave it to him to read with the ground rule that he’s not to take the information he learned and spread it around the classroom or among his friends, explaining that it’s up to parents to teach this stuff, not him. He took it upstairs and an hour later he was on page 35. Apparently if you want your boys to embrace reading, all you’ve got to do is give them a book on sex. I don’t think it changes much as they get older.
I’ve approached him every day to see if he’s had any questions on what he’s learned and to make sure he understands what he’s reading. Although he’s a bit giggly when we talk about it, he now has a clear, age appropriate overview of how babies are made, the differences between boys and girls, different types of families and even good and bad touches.
So if you ever find yourself in the stuttering “go ask your dad” when your kid asks you how babies are made way before you expected it..... this is me covering your ass.
Which I unfortunately didn't have enough time to do this morning when they barged in while I was taking a shower.
*sigh*
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