Parenting is not for the faint of heart.
That's pretty much been my parenting tagline since day one. You get pregnant and carry this life around inside you for nine months (arguably, ten) and by the end you're tired and just want the baby the hell out of your body so you can bend at the waist again. Only it's when the baby comes out you realize the hard part has just begun.
Back to school is never an easy transition at our house, mostly due to Son No. 1's dislike of school. We work with him and try to make it better but at the end of the day, he's going to go but will never have a love for it. Every night before bed we go through his high, medium and low points and ever since school started, his high point has been walking home from school.
Son No. 2 was excited to get started, he wanted to see his friends again.
I was so focused on Son No. 1 that I lost sight of Son No. 2.
On Friday I kissed him good-bye and watched him run off to his line-up. Moments later he came running back with tears streaming down his face. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and buried his face in my belly, all the while sobbing. I honestly chalked it up to being tired - it had been a long week and I knew he was exhausted. We hugged, I told him I loved him and he slowly made his way back to the line.
But yesterday as we walked home from school, he said to me "Mummy, I cried in school today". He had been feeling sad all day and when the teacher had handed out a worksheet to the class where they were to write about why they loved their family....."I just couldn't hold it in anymore Mummy" he told me. He went on to tell me he did the sobbing hiccupping cry for close to an hour.
We talked about it a lot last night, not just about missing me but other reasons he's sad about school and the nervousness he feels. But he's still so little and it's hard for him to articulate.
The drop-off this morning was a carbon copy of Friday. There were tears, faces buried in tummies and hugs. Lots and lots of hugs.
Then I came home and cried.
And I ran on the treadmill and cried some more.
Some days I'm just not cut out for this shit.
But tomorrow is a new day and like all the other moms out there, I'll try, try again. Because that's what we do.
See what I mean? Not for the faint of heart at all.