Two weeks ago, early on a Monday morning after making sure my two boys ate a hearty breakfast, I gave them each $20 and sent them out with instructions not to be back until dinner.
What brought on this crazy idea?
Two things:
1) My Editor Jeni Marinucci told me she was doing it with her 11 year-old son and the idea resonated with me. I was a child of the 70s and early 80s. My summer days were filled with hanging out with my friends. There were no structured activities, no summer camps, no handheld devices of any kind. My parents sent us out to play and we came home for dinner. After dinner, we were told to come home when the streetlights came on. If a fight broke out among our group of friends, we were left to figure out how to fix it or risk being ostracized for the rest of the summer. If one of us got hurt, the rest banded together to help on the hobble home for the age-old remedy of mecurichrome, bandaids and a Freezie.
I wanted my kids to have some of that freedom I experienced, minus the mecurichrome because that is just the stuff of nightmares.
2) As my boys have gotten older I’ve come to realize the importance of challenging them. It’s essential to give our children opportunities to step up to the plate. These opportunities go a long way in building their confidence and allow them to see what they are capable of.
If we don’t allow our children to have opportunities to be independent when they are kids, how do we expect them to become independent adults?
That’s not to say there weren’t a few ground rules in place. The first being that they were to stick together. The second that my younger son had to listen to his older brother. And finally, the third was that my older son should text me every hour or so to give me a general idea as to the area they were in at the time.
The last thing I wanted was to have to tell the police that my kids, who had access to a Go Train, could be anywhere in Ontario.
I’m not going to lie…I was nervous the entire day. It did take a moderate amount of self-control not to call my son throughout the day to get an update. But the moment they walked through the door late that afternoon, I knew I made the right call in not calling.
Both boys were beaming with pride. My younger son was non-stop talking excited. We all sat out on the front porch eating Freezies while they told me about their adventures.
Here’s what I learned:
I have only ever let them go out on their own within a certain parameter of our community. When they went on the $20 challenge my kids went farther than I ever would have allowed them to go and you know what? They were completely okay.
When I send my boys out on their own with ground rules in place, they do the right thing.
When presented with a challenge my boys knew exactly what to do including what to do when they get lost and how to cross a busy highway overpass safely.
When I was watching and listening to my kids talk about their adventures I could actually see the pride in their faces. Their eyes were sparkling, the excitement in their voices undeniable.
Listen, I’m not suggesting that you send your 5 year-old out on his own tomorrow with $20 and instructions not to come home until the streetlights come on. You need to build up to something like that. Teach them as they grow - things like crossing the street safely, then letting them walk to school on their own or go to the park by themselves. It's always baby steps before the giant leaps.
But I am suggesting you really take a look at your kids and honestly assess their capabilities, then give them a challenge that will push them a little outside their comfort zone to help build their confidence.
What happens next may just surprise you.
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