Sharon DeVellis: Inside Scoop


Want To Know The Secrets To A Good Marriage?

Advice From Someone Who Has Been There And Is Still Doing It

My husband and I have now been married 15 years *insert applause here*

In the grand scheme of things we are still in the baby stages of our marriage. I’m knocking-on-wood, we’ll be doing the old person shuffle dance–which bears an uncanny resemblance to the way we dance now–at our 60th, 70th, and 75th wedding anniversaries (although that last one will make us well into our 100s, so realistically, we’ll be sitting.

We by no means have a perfect marriage, nobody does and if they say they do, grab a fire extinguisher because their pants are on fire.

The fact is I do shit that drives him crazy.

*Wearing socks to bed, pulling them off in the middle of the night and leaving them at the end of the bed until there is a pile that would put Mount Vesuvius to shame*

He does shit that drives me crazy.

*You calling to tell me you’re going to be late when you’re already late defeats the purpose of anything*

But all in all, we have a good marriage. And while my advice may not be found in a marriage counselling guide, it probably should.

We Have The Uncanny Ability To Not Lose Our Shit At The Same Time
If I’m losing my shit over something, he stays calm. If he’s losing his shit, I stay calm. This is called respect, people. If both partners are losing their shit, no good can come of it so recognize the signs of your partner losing his/her shit and know that this is the moment you need to keep it together.

Work To Your Strengths
He is a numbers guy, I have lost my pay cheque - more than once. This means that he is in charge of our finances. I am creative and wordy, he turns and runs when I mention Scrabble. This means I’m in charge of planning birthdays, holidays, and anything else that requires a scavenger hunt with poems.

Recognize Your Partner’s Weaknesses
I had postpartum depression when my first son was born but neither my husband or I knew it at the time. What my husband did know was that I wasn’t myself, the me he knew was gone, replaced by someone almost unrecognizable. Instead of simply asking me what was wrong (Wrong? What the hell do you mean wrong? I just gave birth to a child and haven’t slept in 720 hours, that’s what’s wrong), he saw the person he was with wasn’t the same as she was pre-childbirth and decided to do something. He began working three days a week and staying home with me the other four until things were back on track again.

Laugh At The Worst Of It
Life is going to hand you some pretty crappy hands at times and laughter has a way of helping you cope. If you can’t laugh with your partner, pretty much all is lost.

When It’s Not Laughable, Stand Up And Be There For Your Partner
This one doesn’t really need any further description, does it?

And last but not least…

Your Partner Deserves The Side You Show To Everyone Else
We often do this, don’t we? We show our best sides to friends, family, and even acquaintances or strangers and we save our sweat-panted-dour-mood-self for our partner.

The partner who has chosen to live with you for the rest of your life in good times and bad doesn’t deserve to be shown your bad side all the time. Yes, you’re comfortable with this person, yes, that love means you can be down-in-the-dumpity-dump and sometimes dump on him or her, but it also means that out of everyone in this whole entire world, that person is actually the most deserving of your awesome side.

Remember to show it.

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