There have been times in my parenting journey when I sit back, content, feeling as though maybe - just maybe - I’ve got this parenting thing under control. Usually it’s once I start to feel comfortable in my role as a mother that life reminds me that it has other plans.
I had a good morning. In fact, I would call it a great morning. We had a nice family breakfast, which my kids helped cook. We spent some time reading together, snuggled under blankets. We spent some time outdoors getting some much needed fresh air. We laughed, we cuddled and we chatted. It was the kind of morning that made me feel like I’ve got this covered. I’m doing alright.
If you’re a parent you know what comes next right?
What happens the moment you start to feel comfortable? The second you let your guard down and think you’ve got this. What happens each and every time you even dare to think this parenting thing isn’t that hard?
That morning, my fall back to reality was because of a coat rack. A cheap-not-special coat rack that we bought when we moved into our first house. The kids were pushing each other back and forth on the computer chair. I asked them to stop about 1000 times. Okay; it might have actually only been three times but felt like much more than that. Before I could even spit out the empty threats they crashed right into the coat rack and the legs splintered as it crashed into the wall.
Everyone froze including me.
It only took seconds before I lost my sh*t.
They were both sent to their rooms but not before I yelled and took away dessert, electronics AND play dates. I asked them “why they couldn’t just listen” and even threw out “wait until your father gets home.” They marched upstairs, a little angry at me for yelling and a little scared for breaking the coat rack. I sat on the couch frustrated with how I had handled the situation.
I had promised myself that I wasn’t going to yell. I had promised myself, that even when they pushed me to my limit, I was always going to keep my cool and handle things the right way. I knew I hadn’t handled it the right way.
I sat on the couch wondering what I should do next. Should I go upstairs and apologize? Will apologizing make them think that it was ok that they continued to do something that I asked them to stop doing? Can I go apologize for yelling at them without totally discrediting my authority as a parent?
As I contemplated all my potential next steps it hit me that I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. This parenting job didn’t come with work instructions. I didn’t have to do a test or go through an interview before I was given the job. No reference check or performance evaluations involved.
I have to figure this one out on my own.
Every single day I make good choices as a parent and I make bad choices. I do wonderful things for my kids and I make mistakes. I’m a good parent and I’m a bad parent. Just when I think I have it all figured out, life points out that I don’t in fact have any of it figured out.
That’s why I rely on you.
Other parents.
Parents who can help me remember that we are all just doing our best. Mothers who make mistakes in one breath and do the exact right thing in the next. I rely on other parents to remind me that although our paths may be very different, we are all trying to be the best parents we can be.
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