Dan Bacon made Internet waves today when his missive for creepers, “How To Talk to A Woman Who Is Wearing Headphones” went up over at Modern Man. The title alone warrants a hard eye-roll, but I suggest you suppress the urge. The body of Bacon’s article is so much more exasperating and I want to spare you the conjunctivitis.
The post includes a list of “common mistakes that guys make when approaching women with headphones.” Fellas, beware the following pitfalls when trying to woo a lady away from her playlist:
- Approaching in a nervous manner. Guys always need to act super-confident because nothing repels us gals like authentic human emotion.
- Giving up too easily. If we act like we don’t want to talk to you, keep trying. Having your boundaries challenged by a man who barged into your life five seconds ago is HOT!
- Not leading the conversation. If a man doesn’t say much we might miss the opportunity to tend to his desires thereby making it to our appointments, meetings, interviews, jobs or homes on time!
- Sticking to polite or reserved conversation. Women hate politeness. Now, you’ve already interrupted and harassed us, so we’re probably a little turned on but you need to really ignite that spark by ditching your manners and getting a little bit gross with us.
- Not including any flirting. Because if you don’t flirt, we won’t know that you’re sexually attracted to us. Personally, nothing makes me feel worse than thinking a guy doesn’t want access to my vagina.
Unfortunately, Dan Bacon left out the most important mistake that a lot of guys make.
- Following the advice in these types of articles. Seriously, guys. It’s terrible and you should never behave this way.
I’ve already seen the protests from men across social media insisting that sometimes headphone interruptus is okay. Not all women hate it. Some women like it. A guy’s gotta try, otherwise how can he possibly know who likes this behaviour and who doesn’t?
I’m going to put aside the fact that the overwhelming response I’ve seen from other women is, “We hate this. Stop doing it.”
Because it’s true that ALL women don’t feel one kind of way about anything. There are almost certainly are some women who *don’t* mind a guy approaching them even while they’re wearing headphones. Which brings us back to the dudebro lament of “How can we know if this is okay if we don’t try?”
You don’t know. It’s okay not to know some things. The desire for romance and/or sex doesn’t give any of us the right to walk around treating the entire world like an sociological experiment. It doesn’t give folks the right to go around bothering a bunch of women in search of the one’s who might be receptive to this behaviour. You’re not doing a good deed or helping anyone. When you pull someone out of an activity, be it walking, talking with a friend, or engaging with their headphones you’re not doing that for you, not for them!
“I wish I hadn’t been left to listen to my podcast in peace for this entire subway ride,” said no woman ever. A stranger loses nothing when you keep your attraction to yourself.
Yes, flirting and meeting new people can be fun. But speaking for myself, when I’ve got headphones in, I’m already having fun. I’m into my music. I’ve got an audiobook going. I’m deep into Instagram. I’m doing my own thing, I am not here for some stranger’s sexual agenda. Badgering me into acknowledging you isn’t cute, it’s entitled and it makes me not like you.
So in short - how DO you talk to a woman wearing headphones?
Unless she's on fire or someone is rummaging in her bag?