Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the best mother of them all? The one who's not yet a mother, of course. Or, in this case: a two-week old mom.
The anon woman posted a rant to a Facebook page, aptly called Sanctimommy, in which she lampoons all those lesser mortals who use kids as an excuse to be "dirty" and "lazy":
"I don't accept that with the birth of my child came the acceptance of a dirty house," she wrote in the viral post.
Anon goes on to label such parents members of the "martyr profession," prompting equal measures of hilarity and enmity among moms who've been there and know better. She goes on to humble brag that so far she has managed to keep her apartment, herself and her newborn clean and presentable, while also managing to put decent food on the table and to share QT with her partner, Jaime.
Two weeks, reader. That's exactly how long she's worn the mom moniker.
Unfortunately Anon failed to see how the brevity of her excursion into motherhood totally negates her thesis and undermines her credibility. Come back and tell us two - or 12 - years from now how immaculately together you manage to keep yourself and your home, and then we'll talk.
While I take her point that children shouldn't be blamed for truly slack or neglectful parenting, nothing turns home and personal hygiene upside down quite like little people tramping around underfoot. Honestly, I liken it to cohabitating with your very own Tasmanian devil, and precious little has changed now that my son is seven.
For years, though, I was her. I was that woman with everything 'just so' - with an apartment that was so WHITE. Even my long, satiny curtains were white. Can you even imagine?
Fast forward a few years. I got a husband. Then I got a son. Then I got a dog. Then I grew up.
I stopped beating myself up and sweating the small dust bunnies and instead learned how to live. I still have cleanliness standards - though admittedly they are much lower and I shirk from anything white - but these mostly apply when we have company over (and we rarely have company over).
As one commenter put it: "I wish I knew who she was so that I could friend her and watch her fall off that high horse."
I hope she's okay, because it's a long way down...