Previously Phillips had a high flying job of her own. Ever since she gave up working to start a family, her husband "compensated" her - much like any employer would - by way of a fat cheque that she could use to splurge guilt-free on Chanel ballet pumps or Hermes Birkin bag.
Phillips isn't alone. She claims to be part of "a tribe of women" (
mostly Manhattanites) who receive a bonus from their husbands "as a sign of appreciation for services rendered." Even she admits that on the face of it the idea runs contrary to her independent woman instincts.
"The concept of a “gift” for being a good little wife seemed to assault all my feminist senses, implying a certain level of sinister financial control,"
she writes in the Telegraph.
"Rather than being a depressing step back for feminism, I’m proud that my husband appreciates that, at the age of 32, by staying at home with our 19 month-old daughter, I’m working just as hard as he is, and he is prepared to put his money where his mouth is."
Fine for Phillips, but let me tell you the "gift" would never fly here. Though I too have brought home decent wages pre-children, money was never a case of "his and hers." By staying home with my son, I am not doing my husband some favour. I would never describe my role in terms of "services rendered."
That's not to dismiss that housework is work. Being a mother is work but it is work that I undertake voluntarily, not begrudgingly.
I wonder whether this kind of thinking is prevalent among couples who've always viewed their finances in separate terms... If I want a bag or fancy shoes, then I go out and get them when I feel like it. There is no need to justify the expense, if we can afford it. There is no need for a formal stipend or allowance from my husband. That would just be patronizing.
No matter how Phillips and her educated cohorts try to paint it, the entire concept of "wife bonus" reeks of sour apples from women resentful that they've had to (Phillips words) "play second fiddle to their [husbands'] careers, putting our own aspirations on the back burner."
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