After a year of constantly schlepping forgotten items to her fourth grader, one mom decided to lay down a new law: no more rescuing.
After all, it wasn't a one-off. We're talking about the child who always seems to shirk responsibilities and forgets homework and lunch and coats routinely. In attempt to teach her boys some conscientiousness, Jordana Horn vowed to quit coming to their rescue every time they screwed up.
Not only was there the assumption that mom would always run to provide the missed item, Horn found herself growing weary and annoyed from all the running. So she quit micro-managing her sons' lives and solving all of their problems for them.
The fact that Horn's children are entering their "double digits" means they are ready to shoulder more responsibility. And it goes without saying that this practice applies only to "repeat offenders," and in cases where the child could face genuine risk, Horn would no doubt intervene. For everything else, though, they are expected to own their mistakes, even if that means facing the music (e.g. being punished).
“A popular expression in parenting education circles is: ‘A child who always forgets has a parent who always remembers,’" says Amy McCready, author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time. "If we rescue kids from their repeated forgetfulness, we rob them of the opportunity to take personal responsibility and learn from their missteps. Who will be there to rescue them in college or at their first job?”
Of course, some children are more absentminded and some may genuinely struggle with organizational skills. It's important to support these kids and set them up with systems to help them succeed.
Sounds like straight-up common sense. Does that mean this self-professed helicopter mama is reformed?
You tell me: Have you ever taken a 'no rescue' approach when your child needed something?
The jury's out... When is a child old enough to play outside unsupervised?
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