Mummy Buzz


Burger King Confirms Purchase of Tim Hortons Inc.

Stunned Nation Braces for "Double Double Whopper"

There are certain days you'll remember throughout your life; days which you can recall their significance in an instant. You'll remember what you wore, how your hair was styled, where you were and what you were doing. These days give weight to our existence because they hold down the minutiae of our lives. They're important. No one writes a book about all the time they spent comparison shopping for maxi pads or how they felt when they stood in line to renew their husband's car tags.

But we can recall instantly days such as those when our children came into our lives with a lusty cry or the scratch of a pen, or where we were when John Lennon was shot, or how we felt when we heard John Candy had died. Perhaps today will be one of those heavy days. Yes; today, when Miami-based Burger King Inc. confirmed its purchase of Canadian cultural icon coffee house/donut hole Tim Hortons Inc.

A nation wept today, friends. (But quietly; we're polite like that.)

We sat, frozen in our twisty beige pedestal chairs, and cried into reasonably-sized Canadian cups of hot magical liquid brew. No one yelled, or raised their fists to the sky in anger. No one demanded to know why a uniquely Canadian successful business needed to look elsewhere for love or validation. Are we not enough for Tim Hortons? It appears we may well not be, because the deal is done and it was a big one: a $12.5 billion dollar deal, or, according to my math, almost 14 billion Boston creme and an extra-large steeped tea

Burger King may have valid business reasons for the merger (lower tax rate due to some highly-technical, highly-dull tax finagling loophole and/or money stuff wizardry) and Tim Hortons itself will certainly benefit from Burger King's worldwide brand recognition and the power they wield relating to that reach.

Perhaps sensing our hesitation to embrace the newly formed company, Burger King and Tim Hortons assured a weary and hesitant Canadian nation in a joint press release that nothing will change — at least not yet. Tim Hortons will continue to operate independently and any restructuring will likely be on the American side of the border.

So let me assuage your worries, Timmies lovers. Burger King is NOT like that American guy your cousin dated in second year of University who, as it turned out, was only interested in using her for a green card, and not so much her other "assets." No, Burger King really, genuinely likes Tim Hortons (and by extension us), because while we may be a slightly caffeine and donut-dependent people, we know coffee and donuts and run a mean business to prove it.

Who wouldn't want a piece of that pie?

Image Source: WikiCommons

Julie Green is away August 25-29, and during that time MummyBuzz will be written by me, Jeni Marinucci (Panic Button Years).

Julie Green is away August 25-29, and during that time MummyBuzz will be written by me, Jeni Marinucci (Panic Button Years). - See more at: