Maureen Turner: We Are Family


Marital Problems

The Kind Of Unhappy That Leads To Divorce

I have yet to meet a couple who agrees with one another 100 percent of the time. In any long term relationship, whether it’s a sibling, a parent, or a spouse, there are going to be times when you just don’t see eye to eye.

While I have written about the merits of divorce and often say that if people are unhappy they should get divorced, I’m not talking about he-left-the-seat-up-again unhappy. Divorce is about deep-seeded, personality altering discontent.

Let me try to explain.

My husband and I were having a disagreement not so long ago. It had been a week or so, and things were not mended.  Each day we felt like we were battling one another, and while we were not happy, we were still communicating. 

It turned out that one of my You-Should-Get-A-Divorce blogs hit a little too close to home.

This post, which was inspired by someone else’s divorce (that happened to remind me of how free I felt after my divorce), said that if you are unhappy, maybe a divorce was a good idea. 

Tom thought, because I was upset with him, the blog was a reflection on our relationship.

Not so.

You see, while I was unhappy that week with how things were going, Tom and I worked things through.  We talked, we listened, and we found a resolution. That’s what happens when a relationship is worth holding on to.

In past relationships, my discontent would just grow and grow because nothing was being improved (Not for lack of trying). 

Eventually, unhappiness will turn you into someone you don’t even recognize. If you don’t deal with your problems, you start to act differently to avoid the issues, and you pretend to be happy. Then, if you are like me, you start to hate yourself for being this different person.

That is the type of unhappiness that leads to divorce.