I have yet to meet a couple who agrees with one another 100 percent of the time. In any long term relationship, whether it’s a sibling, a parent, or a spouse, there are going to be times when you just don’t see eye to eye.
While I have written about the merits of divorce and often say that if people are unhappy they should get divorced, I’m not talking about he-left-the-seat-up-again unhappy. Divorce is about deep-seeded, personality altering discontent.
Let me try to explain.
My husband and I were having a disagreement not so long ago. It had been a week or so, and things were not mended. Each day we felt like we were battling one another, and while we were not happy, we were still communicating.
It turned out that one of my You-Should-Get-A-Divorce blogs hit a little too close to home.
This post, which was inspired by someone else’s divorce (that happened to remind me of how free I felt after my divorce), said that if you are unhappy, maybe a divorce was a good idea.
Tom thought, because I was upset with him, the blog was a reflection on our relationship.
Not so.
You see, while I was unhappy that week with how things were going, Tom and I worked things through. We talked, we listened, and we found a resolution. That’s what happens when a relationship is worth holding on to.
In past relationships, my discontent would just grow and grow because nothing was being improved (Not for lack of trying).
Eventually, unhappiness will turn you into someone you don’t even recognize. If you don’t deal with your problems, you start to act differently to avoid the issues, and you pretend to be happy. Then, if you are like me, you start to hate yourself for being this different person.
That is the type of unhappiness that leads to divorce.
There hasn’t been a whole lot of routine at our house for the past few weeks, so I knew this morning was going to be a little hectic.
To my surprise, everyone was up on time and ready well before they needed to be. Since I am always the last to get ready, after shipping off two kids with Tom at 8:00 and making sure the other two are dressed and ready to go, I expect those last two to entertain themselves for 40 minutes while I get ready for work.
It’s not usually a problem, but I guess having me home for two weeks has them relying on me a little bit right now. So, when my 6-year-old came to me asking if we could do temporary tattoos, I told her she knew how to do it herself, and sent her on her way.
Ten minutes later, she came back looking like this:
I reminded her about our no-tattoos-on-faces rule, and was thankful it was temporary.
Not two minutes later, she returned to ask what I was doing. I explained that I understood she hadn’t had to do this routine for a couple weeks, but she needed to give me time to get ready for work.
She told me there was nothing to do.
I almost lost my mind!
If you could see how much stuff these kids got for Christmas, after Christmas at my mom’s, and Tom’s mom, and home, and their other parents, and their other grandparent’s, there is no reason she shouldn’t have something to do.
I told her this too, and she sulked away. I found her up in her NEW bunk bed sulking under the covers, and this time I did lose my mind.
I told her that she could pack up all her new toys, her new lap top, her Ipod touch and I would send them to a child who would appreciate them.
She quickly found something to do.
How do you deal with kids who are bored?
Not sure what to do with your bored kids? Check out Activity Mummy's 64 Activities For Kids.
Over the holidays, I wasn’t well. Thankfully, the flu was kind enough to wait until after Christmas to hit, but there were a couple of days when I was down for the count. As unpleasant as it was, it did give me some much needed rest, and allowed me some time to read.
I have been eyeing the book The Help, wondering when I would ever get a chance to read it. As chance would have it, my mom loaned me her copy the day before I got sick.
I devoured that book like it was my last meal. I couldn’t put it down, and I managed to finish it in 3 days despite frequent naps and "bathroom breaks."
On the third day, I was lying on the couch, and Rebecca came and sat beside me. “What is your book about, Mommy?” she asked.
I closed the book and wondered how to explain to my 6-year old, half-black daughter that there was a time when white people treated black people like second-class citizens. There are no words that will ever make it okay, there are no excuses for the hardships black slaves endured. There is no way to right this wrong, and yet, I wish there were.
I couldn’t find the words to explain the book to her, so I just told her it was called The Help and it was about maids that worked in people’s houses.
I know that we will have to discuss this topic one day, and I know that I should talk to her well before it comes up in classes at school, but I think it’s something I need to plan and research before I approach it.
I want to be able to tell her the ugly truth about history without instilling a hatred or fear of white people. Imagine fearing that your daughter might hate you for something someone else did many years ago. Seems foolish, I know, but it doesn’t change the facts.
I’m happy that I will be able to tell her about the Underground Railroad, but sad to have to tell her how ignorant people can be. Sad to tell her that someone could dislike her simply because her skin is brown. The very same skin that I tell her every day is gorgeous. We have talked about skin colour before since we live in a town where the majority of people are white. She has asked why her skin is different, but I don’t think she has ever wondered if someone would like/dislike her for that reason.
Thankfully, Rebecca has a wonderful support system on both sides of her family, so I think (when I do broach the subject) she will know that times have changed.
For Kelli Daisy's review of the the movie The Help click here
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