My step daughter is 11-years old, and like most tweens, she is looking for more and more freedom. She wants to be treated more like an adult and she would like more privacy.
While I understand all of these wants, and I think she is just in wanting them, it scares me to death.
I want her to be able to go hang out with friends after school. I want her to feel secure walking up to the mall by herself, but I worry about her.
We have given her a cell phone, and that helps calm my nerves. We have talked endlessly about making good decisions and not taking part in anything that makes her uncomfortable, but I remember the peer pressure. It’s not always easy to say no when friends are pushing you. This year, she started a new school, and I am sure there are new kids (read boys) she will hope to impress. I just hope she does it with her quick wit and intelligence.
The latest debate we are having is about Facebook. Both her dad and I are on Facebook, and so are some of her friends (I know because they have asked me to be “friends” - I don’t accept anyone under a certain age unless we are related).
So, Facebook’s minimum age is 13. Eleanor is almost 12. She desperately wants to join, and I can understand why. It’s a place to chat with friends and connect. The same reasons any of us join.
My concern lies with how easy Facebook allows drama to spread, how quickly a small mistake can become a huge ordeal, and how one stupid remark/photo will sit there waiting to come back in your face at any moment. It’s documented for everyone to see.
We have talked about Facebook. Eleanor knows that she will not get the privacy she so desires on Facebook. All parental units would have her password and could check up on her at anytime, all photos would have to be approved before posting, and one wrong move would get her shut down.
Now the question is: when?
Do you have kids on Facebook? how old were they when they started? What rules do you have in place?
This weekend, Tom and I traveled north with our 4 children for a wedding. I have read several articles about traveling with kids and while I think the tips are fantastic, here is what really works:
An entertainment system on wheels. We have a minivan with 3 video screens, chairs that swivel and a game table.
Bring as many hand held video games as possible. Ours have both an iPod and a DSi.
Snacks. Preferably snacks that are not good for them.
Oh, and pee breaks... lots of pee breaks
There. Happy kids... happy parents.
.jpg)
I remember in grade 6, despite my efforts to wear baggy sweatshirts, a boy named Ian referred to me as ‘Chesty Morgan’. I didn’t back then, nor did I today (until I Googled it a moment ago) know who or what his reference was about, other than to say I had a large chest.
That was the same year that another boy (Darrin) made note of the hair on my legs. Light in colour and wispy fine, like any young girl, but I was mortified.
That evening, I went to the bathroom cupboard and found my mom’s razor, I lathered soap on my legs and I watched as the blade removed the blond wisps from my sun kissed legs.
I had my first boyfriend that year, and when I say boyfriend, I mean we met after school and ran cross country together (that’s not a euphemism). He once gave me a very innocent peck of a kiss, but shortly after that I had one of my friends tell him that I didn’t want to be his girlfriend any more.
That was the beginning though, that was the year of so many changes, both emotionally and physically… and I’m sure hormonally (sorry if I was a bitch).
In grade 7, my mother finally convinced me that I did, in fact, need a bra (I was a C cup). It seemed my body had no regard for the pact I had made with my girlfriend never to have boobs or get my period.
By grade 8, I had full body curves, I was shaving every day, and I had a real boyfriend. The kind Bender talks about in The Breakfast Club “Over the bra, under the blouse, shoes off... hoping to God your parents don’t walk in”... That kind of boyfriend.
Our daughter started grade 6 this week. I wonder who will be her first kiss? Has she had her first kiss? I tease her about how big her boobies are getting, I know the boys are noticing. She mentioned shaving her legs the other day... it’s all so familiar, and yet I still have no real idea what advice to give her or how to help make these next few years any easier.
I hope I say the right things.
Printer-friendly version