Loukia Zigoumis: Shop Mummy


The Seven Stages of Shopping Grief

What Do You Mean They Only Go Up To A Size Four?

You know when you go shopping to buy something specific? You are a woman on a mission, and you will not stop until you find just what you are looking for. In your mind, you will walk into your favourite store, and the first thing you'll see when you walk in will be 'the item' that you have so desired. You walk quickly, with a light bounce in your step, because you're happy. Shopping always makes you happy, and today is no exception. I LOVE to shop. Like, LOVE.

Well. The other day, I went shopping to buy a new pair of pants from one of my favourite stores, and I thought I'd have a great shopping experience, leaving with a pair of brown wide-legged trouser pants. Instead, after searching through the entire store, I came to the sad realization that I was not going to leave a happy customer.

The only pants they had that closely resembled what I wanted to buy were size 0, 2, and 4.

I was quite upset. And I went through the 7 Stages of Grief due to this unforeseen experience.

Shock: What? Are you kidding me? These pants only come in a size 2? What's going on here? How could this be? But I'm here to buy some pants! I need these pants!

Denial: There is no way, that in this entire store, there is no size (as if I'd tell you) pants in the style that I want. No way. I will continue looking. I'm sure I am just not reading right. I'll start all over again, and go through every pair, just to make sure, because I'm not believing this right now. No way.

Anger: Okay, Banana, what's the freaking deal? I'm your number one customer! You are the reason my credit card is maxed! How can you treat me like this? Don't you see how badly I need these pants? What happened to us? How could you? Just what am I going to wear to work on Monday? I have no clothes! This is so unfair. Life is cruel. I hate you, Banana!

Guilt: If only I was a size 2 or 4. Then I wouldn't have this stupid problem to begin with. It's all my fault. I feel so guilty for eating all those mini chocolates during Grey's Anatomy. If I didn't eat like a 15-year-old boy, I probably could fit my Hellenic hips into a size 4. It's all my fault. Clearly everyone is a size 2 and 4 because that is all I'm seeing. I suck. I must start dieting right away.

Pain and Sorrow: I guess I'm not getting these brown pants today, after all. I'm so sad. I was looking forward to a future with these beautiful pants, to be worn with my new green cashmere sweater from J.Crew. Now, I have nothing. It hurts so bad. Must remedy this feeling by buying some chocolate.

Release and Resolution: Sigh. Okay, Banana. I forgive you. I'll just buy these grey trouser pants instead. They're nice. And they fit. I will be back, though. And the next time I'm here, I hope you'll have more pants in the size I wear. I will be okay. I'm strong. I will hold my head up high and move on to the shoe store.

Return to the Willingness to Love: Oh, hello beautiful black booties...I love you! You make me so happy! And, oh, what? You DO come in my size? Thank you God! Life is grand.

Need tips on what you absolutely need to be shopping for? I've done all the hard work for you! Here you go: What you should have in your closet!

Note: This post has been re-posted from a post I wrote in 2009 on my Loulou's Views blog.