I had my first mammogram last fall. Mammograms can be scary. Especially if you’ve never had one. I tried to lessen its frightful image by pronouncing “mammogram” like you would if you were announcing a candygram (like in the old SNL shark candygram skit). It helped. But only a little.
I had just participated in my first “Weekend To End Women’s Cancers” on the heels of my mother-in-law's (successful...thank god) experience with the disease. I met so many people touched by breast cancer. Too many. I asked my doctor if I should be tested. She explained that Canadian women are advised to be screened at the age of fifty, unless there is a history of breast cancer in the family, in which case the recommended age in forty.
I asked if I should wait until fifty? She told me it was up to me. Then I asked the question I ask all doctors... “What would you tell your daughter?”
She said, “I would tell her to do it. Now.” She explained that breast cancer affects women (and men) of all ages, but it’s aggressive and develops quickly in younger women. By the time it's detected, it may be too late.
I made my appointment.
Two weeks later I showed up at the hospital for my virgin mammogram. Sporting a stylish gown, a friendly female technician showed me into a dimly lit exam room. She asked me some medical questions, explained the procedure and we were off to the races.
Now, the picture below might lead you to believe that I was about to stick my finger in the machine. But alas, it was not my finger that would be sandwiched between two plates like a ham on rye.
The technician laughed when I asked if her to take my photo (I assured her it would be a tasteful shot – robe on!). She said I was a first.
So here’s the lowdown (Yes, there’s a joke to be made regarding the relationship between breasts and gravity).
* Is it embarrassing letting your ladies swing in the breeze? The procedure is so technical and quick, it’s actually not. I was more concerned with covering the belly fat spilling out over my jeans, than my exposed breast-i-cess. Tip: Wear high waisted yoga pants, not tight low rise jeans.
* Is it painful? If you DON’T make your appointment during the week before your period (consult a calendar before you book!), I’d say it’s mildly uncomfortable, but not particularly painful.
* What if you can’t effectively read a calendar and you are PMSy and sore the day of? Take a pain reliever before you go.
* What if the doctor phones you to discuss the results? Do NOT freak out. Usually those calls are to say they didn’t get a “good picture” and you’ll need a redo.
* What if you don’t hear anything? They say “no news is good news” but some (me) say, “no news is most likely good news but, it could also mean lost results or somebody dropped the ball news”... So follow up with your family doctor just to be sure.
We love you. Get mammogrammed.
Addendum: My aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer four years ago. She has fought so hard. I'm sad to say, she is losing the battle. Broken hearted.
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