This story may fall under the TMI category, so if you’re offended by feminine hygiene, this post is not for you. I love a good party; in particular, the planning and excitement preceding it. I know what to “do” to ensure a successful event, but I will happily share a whopper of a “don’t” when I come across one.
Here’s a doozy:
A few years ago, I attended a quaint dinner party hosted by a friend (who shall remain anonymous or I'll be strung up by my high heels).
Her house was immaculate. I know for a fact she cleans like a whirling dervish the day of. She actually gets on her hands and knees and scrubs her bathroom floors. This, not gonna lie, does NOT happen at my house. The morning of the party, when polishing her main floor powder room she felt the need to give herself a bit of a freshening-up as well. She removed her sanitary pad (yes, sometimes ladies of our age due to swells in the tide, so to speak, have to resort to riding the cotton pony upon occasion). She carefully rolled it up, sticking it temporarily to top of the toilet tank. Obviously it couldn’t go in the bathroom trash can.
Hands washed, out the door and onto more preparations, off went the happy hostess. You see where this is going, right?
A few hours later, guests were greeted with a cocktail and we oohed and ahhed over my girlfriend’s stunning home. After a while, one of the male guests went to use the bathroom. Shortly after, a second (male) guest used the loo as well.
We made our way into the dining room and sat down to a gorgeous meal and delicious wine. Over the second course, the hostess excused herself to visit the lavatory. When she returned, she was looking a little peaked.
After dinner she took the girls aside to share her tale of humiliation. As you may have guessed, she had forgotten the pad on the back of the toilet. At some point, it had unfurled from its rolled-up state and was lying open faced, on full display.
Neither male guest had said a word. Maybe they didn’t notice? Or perhaps they were too frightened to mention it. And obviously neither was brave enough to play the role of “Cleaner” to dispose of the evidence. And by cleaner I’m not talking Molly Maid, I’m mean like Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction.
So what have we learned from this epic party “Don’t?”
My male friends have the bladders of 83-year-olds.
Men, no matter what age, are frightened by menses. Am I the only one to see the irony here?
About ten minutes before guests arrive, do one final sweep to ensure all is in its proper place.
How does a seasoned hostess handle a sticky situation? She remains calm, smiles and pours herself one of these...
The “Relax, Stay Calm & Pour Yourself A Sun-Dried Tomato Bloody Mary”
3 oz. tomato juice
3 oz. V-8 juice
1 1/2 oz. vodka infused with sun-dried tomatoes (*see below)
Pinch black pepper
Pinch celery salt
Dash grated horseradish, Lea & Perrins or soy sauce (optional)
Dash fresh lemon juice
Dash Tabasco sauce
Put all ingredients into a large, chilled glass, add lots of ice and stir. Garnish with a lemon and lime wedge and a celery stick.
*To infuse vodka, pour 4 oz. of vodka into a glass container, add four sun-dried tomatoes, cover with tight fitting top, and let stand for at least two days. When ready to use, strain and discard tomatoes. If you age this infusion longer, after a week replace old tomatoes with fresh ones.
For a more "Don'ts" (including DON'T publish photos of your exposed muffin top on your blog for a laugh...) click here.
My friend definitely puts the fun in FUNdraiser. Binu added a very special (and ridiculously awesome) touch to a recent fundraising event. The Hard Hats and Halos gala was held in support of Walls of Hope—a grassroots organzation based in Oakville, Ontario whose goal is to help families who are trying to help themselves. By transforming homes, they help restore hope.
Check out their website. It's a great initiative with all kinds of amazing people and cool before and after project shots!
Last month, Binu put together a flash mob to add a little something unexpected to the event. She choreographed a routine, taught it to us (I was the klutz in the back of rehearsal grapevining in the wrong direction) and instructed us how to position ourselves in the banquet hall so we wouldn't raise any pre-spectacle suspicion.
Those who were not attending the event (me) and were coming only for the mob, were told to dress in a black shirt and pants to blend in with the serving staff. Boy did I blend. As I stood in my "server stance" (my years of serving and bartending clearly made me believable) a woman came up to me and said, I kid you not, "Excuse me. I have food allergies. Could you please inform the kitchen that I...." Woah, lady! I told her that though I looked like a server, I in fact was not, and that she'd better speak to someone who could actually prevent her death.
Flash mobs...I love watching them, but the thought of actually being IN one made me sweat. Not only do you risk looking like a weirdo dancing by yourself (before the crowd clues in that no, you're not just some drunken fool), our performance began with an awkward (completely staged) altercation between the MC and a group of dancers posing as unruly guests. I'm not good with awkward...
However, I am SO glad I put my fear of humiliation aside and participated because it was....awesome. If you're ever asked to participate in something like this, do it. You won't be sorry.
Here's a portion of the flash mob performance. Enjoy! And yes, I did indeed grapevine the wrong way, again.
Click photo to watch
Binu's addition of a flash mob, to this fundraiser made the event more fun and more memorable. Thinking about planning your own fundraiser for a cause important to you? Here are some tips to make planning your event less stressful.
You don't have to be a "Tree Hugger" to appreciate healthier food and drink choices. With Earth Day activities going on all over the country, here are a few organic and inexpensive libations to enjoy with guests this weekend!
* If you live in Ontario, you know about the LCBO (aka Candyland for grown-ups). I found these libations there, all well under $20 each.
35 SOUTH CAB SAUV MERLOT ORGANIC Chile—$12.05
Bright ruby colour with aromas of cassis, soft fruits and subtle earthiness.
Serving Suggestion: Grilled steak or Steak and spinach salad
BONTERRA CHARDONNAY California (Fetzer Vineyards)—$16.95
Flavours of banana, peach, melon, caramel and oak
Serving Suggestion: Spiced Honey Lemon Chicken With Mango Salsa
SOUTHBROOK ORGANIC WHITE CONNECT VQA Ontario—$14.95
Aromas of peach, melon and apricot; slightly off-dry with refreshing acidity.
Serving Suggestion: Drink chilled and match with mild seafood or Asian inspired hors d'oeuvres
MILL STREET ORGANIC LAGER 6 Pack Ontario—$13.15
Light to medium with malty, floral flavours and balanced hoppy bitterness.
Serving Suggestion: Drink chilled and serve with Kabobs on the grill
Happy Earth Day!