Does Your Online Persona Reflect the REAL You?

I fully admit that I like to be liked. If you don't like me, I'll jump through flaming hoops to change your opinion.

"Issues."

But this post isn't about me and my problems. It's about you and your problems. Kidding. You don't have problems. You're perfect just the way you are. See? There I go trying to make you like me.

Good news is, your likability level is within your control. This means if you're a a dink, there are specific habits you can adopt to mold yourself into a more likeable person. Travis Bradberry wrote an article in Forbes magazine about how being likeable is a learned behaviour— it's a matter of developing your "emotional intelligence." He lists 13 key behaviours that emotionally intelligent people engage in consistently. Likeable people do the following:

So if you don't "feel the like," try implicating a few of these habits into your daily doings.

As for you truly unlikeable people, you perplex me. I'm assuming your emotional intelligence has been stunted somewhere along the way. Why else would you feel the need to belittle, bother, and berate? I'm looking at you bullies, narcissists, and mean girls/boys.

Hey troll, is it as simple as "putting others down makes you feel superior?" Or is disagreeing with others a sport for you? Does leaving an irate comment on a stranger's blog get your blood pumping and make you feel alive? Or maybe you're just bored. Does controversy add a boost to your otherwise humdrum day? Or perhaps you felt unloved as a kid, so you're paying that forward via venomous keystrokes?

I know this line of questioning might make me unlikeable, but I really want to understand. It makes me sick to know a person doesn't like me. But yet you don't give a flying f*ck if people call you Satan's sister. Why IS that? I'm asking both as a perpetual people pleaser and as a Social Scientist (my university major—a pretty useless, but voyeuristically fascinating degree).

When you work online like I do, sharing your life in pictures and words, you open yourself up to opinions—good and bad. This is why I stay clear of most controversial topics. The only pot I stir is the one on my stove. But some of my fellow writers DO share their opinions freely. And as such, some have had their asses handed to them, all ugly like. The most infamous trolls in my circles go above and beyond to procure their unlikeable reputation. They don't listen. They don't concede. They don't think before they speak. They don't give a shit about you (the real flesh and blood person on the other side of the computer screen) or your side of an issue.

Let's look at a case study, shall we? (Thank you social science degree.)

Susan: 42 year old work-at-home mother of one. Has a cat and a gerbil. Enjoys entering contests online, eating fondue, listening to movie soundtracks, and silk screening t-shirts. Susan has an Etsy store where she sells a variety of crafts. She also has her own blog where she posts on a variety of topics from shopping and cooking to crafting and rafting. Her husband is in sales and travels a lot. She was moderately popular in high school but has lost touch with most of her friends. Susan believes she is creative, funny, and very likeable.

So, Susan is delusional. Not only is she unlikeable, she's kind of a jerk. First of all, she is a hypocrite. She'll make an off-colour remark on her own blog but then post a cutting comment when somebody else makes a similar remark on their Facebook page. She talks behind your back and belittles your successes. She laughs at people, not with people. She loves to broadcast how well she's doing in all aspects of her life. Susan posts more selfies before noon than you might post in a lifetime. She spends hours reading online articles (often just the title) and then vehemently disagreeing with blog posts across the internet. A very Susan-ish comment often starts with something like, "I beg to differ but..." or "Just playing devil's advocate here..." or "This author of this post is an idiot because..."

Susan, why so nasty and confrontational? What do you get out of it? Do you ever stop to consider how small your comments make you look? Would you feel the least bit uncomfortable to know that your last blog comment made the author cry? Or is that your goal? Oh Susan, even though you've threatened to "cut a bitch," I still feel the need to give you a hug. Clearly you don't like yourself much these days.

Do you know a "Sour Susan?" If so, hug her (if she'll let you). Then suggest she ask herself honestly how many "likeable" habits she implements into her daily life (online and off). We know there's a likeable person underneath Susan's crusty exterior. Now, let's dig her out!

I saw this sign in the office at my kids' school. I'm pretty sure Susan has never seen it...