Lisa Thornbury: Party Mummy


The Top Ten Things To Never Do In The Nude

Naked Is Natural Except When You're Doing This

naked woman

We were driving along the highway recently when my son noticed a sign for a Family Nature (Nudist) Camp. After mulling it over a minute or two he asked, "Mums and Dads and kids are go there? AND.....grandparents too??"

When Is Taking A Nude Photo A Bad Idea?

Then he said, "Oh man, they don't have a trampoline there do they?"

Um, I don't know. I also don't want to know. As a person who has trampolined while wearing a bathing suit, I can only imagine how horrific a naked a bum drop would look to an innocent bystander.

I have nothing against nudity in general. I'm no prude. If you want to enjoy a game of badminton in the buff or partake in a naked campfire (just watch out for sparks) then let your flesh flag fly. It's all good.

However, after the discussion I had with my friend Annabel about rising popularity of Naked Yoga (I'll defer to her to tell you about the potentionally most awkward positions) I got to thinking about other activities that are best reserved for times when one is clothed. Or at least wearing underpants.

Would You Take A Naked Yoga Class Like This?

Here are my top ten suggestions for activities to possibly avoid when naked:

1. Rock Climbing. Never mind the view from below, just think about the harness overflow.

2. Tap Dancing. Gravity is unkind. We don't need reminding.

3. Water Slides. This is mostly about the speed. Have you ever slid down a wet slide without the buffer of a bathing suit? I don't recommend it. How do I know this? Let's just say a temporary bikini wedgie has the same effect.

4. Cycling. The chaffing, my god the chaffing. And what about those bike seats with the hole? That's a DIY vasectomy in the making.

5. Gymnastics. Cartwheels and somersaults should only be performed when wearing shorts or a leotard of some kind.

6. Limbo Contests. These contests are awkward enough when clothed.

7. LeapFrog. I don't think we need to expand on this.

8. Wheelbarrow Races. Same as above.

9. Geocaching. Without pockets, where would you keep your iPhone? Also, mosquitos are no friend to the naked.

10. Paintball. Ouch.

What would you add to this list?