My relationship with every piece of software/hardware ever:
MONDAY
Wow, you’re perfect for us. I love that you totally get me and everything I need. What’s that? You think I’m amazing and don’t really need you but you’ll try and find a way to help me? No, stop it! You’re embarrassing me! This is a match made in heaven! I can only imagine how much better my life will be with you in it. I’ll have more time to relax—maybe I’ll learn to play tennis, or bridge. Wow, just wow.
You know what, I’m going to go ahead and say it. I just met you and I already love you.
TUESDAY
Oh wow, hey sweetie, don’t stress. So you forgot about the fact that Canadian words sometimes have ‘U’s in them. No biggie, it wasn’t my favorite letter anyway. Oh, and so what if you don’t know about ‘Canadian Thanksgiving,’ don’t stress aboot it (see, we can still be cute together.)
Look, every relationship needs work. We’re just learning about each other, I’m sure it will be fine! I still love you.
WEDNESDAY
Ok, so I think we’re spending a little too much time together. I have hardly seen my family at all this week. You know what? It’s Ok, I’ll catch up with them on the weekend I guess. I know you’ll make my life so much easier as time goes on.
What? Oh yeah, I still love you, just wish you were a little easier to understand is all. Let’s hug it out.
THURSDAY
Alright wise guy. You lost my files. I know, I know, you say it’s impossible, but I told you EXACTLY where to put them, and they aren’t there now. Your fault, not mine. YOUR fault…No. I will not hug you. I need 10 minutes to myself. Maybe we’ll try this again after I’ve had a glass of wine.
Do NOT blink at me like that.
FRIDAY
Oh wow, look at you, you haven’t moved since I left last night?! Seriously?! I left at 9pm, and the only freaking thing I asked you to do was move these files from Here to there. That’s it.
HERE TO THERE.
What the hell is so hard to understand about that? No, I don’t want a complimentary upgrade. No, I don’t want to take a survey, I want you to move the files from here to there. H-E-R-E to T-H-E-R-E. That’s IT!
Oh ya, just shut yourself down. Real mature a-hole. Real mature.
SATURDAY
Nice douchebag, you’ll work fine for my 5-year-old, but when I ask you to do anything you stare blankly at me and make me feel like an idiot. I hate you.
SUNDAY
You know what? We’re done here. NO, don’t try and convince me otherwise—it’s over. Pack your shit buddy, you’re going back to where you came from.
MONDAY
Oh hey, so um, I kind of lost the receipt. Do you want to try this again? What? You think I’m amazing and don’t really need you but you’ll try and find a way to help me? …
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