When a child dies, the shock is often great and we don’t know how to respond when such a tragedy befalls our community. Thinking through such a devastating situation is almost unimaginable and we put such thoughts out of our minds. Unfortunately, there are times when we are faced with these darkest of hours. We feel pain and wonder what the parents must be going through. And for a moment we can’t help but put ourselves in their shoes, hug our children a little tighter, and cry for their unbearable loss. We wonder how we can help. What do we do? What do we say?
Lice is horrible but worms? Far worse. I remember having lice in grade seven. I was so very, very itchy that even typing the word inspires a scratch. The removal involves some checking, which I loved to receive as a child. In fact, to my mother's chagrin, my fourth grade teacher brought up her concern at a parent teaching meeting that I was constantly asking when the health unit would be coming in for a lice check. This scalp massaging, oops, checking is followed by the washing, combing x100, and lots of laundry.
March 8th is International Women's Day — a day to celebrate social, economic, cultural, and political achievements of women. The theme this year is #pushforparity. Since the time of suffragettes there have been massive advances in the world, however, in many places progress remains slow and the gender gap is not predicted to be closing any time soon — currently predicted in 2015 at 2133, and sadly up from the 2014 prediction of 2095.
Date night... important, enjoyable and so hard to schedule with those ever multiplying demands of work parenting and more. One of the first things to go under the weight of it all is quality time in our primary relationship and we simply hope it will hang on for a less chaotic time in our life.
Lately there has been more popularity in using animal metaphors to describe the modern day parenting styles. Tiger parents are known to be the ones in control, like helicopter parents, and are often keen for their child's success. Dolphin parents want to nurture and guide their children with a nice balance of expectations and some flexibility. You might see yourself in one or more of these categories, depending on the situation, your comfort level, culture and how you were raised.
Self-control helps us lead healthy and productive lives, but is often the first to go under the weight of mounting pressures. As parents it is even more important for us to model self-control for our kids - our children are among a generation where self-regulation is becoming a real problem.
As someone who makes a living managing family dynamics, I can tell you the task of potty training is often met with one of three reactions by parents:
1. Dismay...when your toddler is ready and you simply aren't. (Can't this wait until after your siblings are finished school in June?!)
2. Relief...you've been ready but your toddler continued to ignore the potty and all attempts up until now. (FINALLY! I have been waiting (im)patiently for this day!)
You know that scene where the mom or dad is yelling at the coach, staring down the competition, or screaming at their own child? It is a train wreck of parenting, and sadly for many, considered entertainment at its finest.
When it's on TV, you can switch the channel. But what do you do when the "dance mom" comes to life, and worse, into your life?
I understand there are always exceptions, but when a partner is upset that the other is not sharing the password for a electronic device, my therapist spidey-senses start tingling. This is because secretive behaviour with phones and/or computers have often revealed, at least in my experience, to be tied to things like affairs, addiction, financial deception, or secret families in Michigan.
Love, marriage, baby, the baby carriage... it was great, really great, wonderfully great, but... I got a little lost in it for awhile. Have you ever felt a little out of touch with your pre-kid self? I certainly was. I had returned to work on a part time basis as a psychotherapist and had even started writing for a website. I loved it. But that was pretty much it for my social media foray. I wasn't in demand, didn't have a large network, was not in any loops, and not creating much of an online presence.
No matter if you're 8 or 88, it's always a good time to enjoy some mindful activities that put you "in the moment" and take stress out of mind. Here are 8 great mindful activities to get you started on your quest for Zen (or just a half hour of peace and quiet!).
Couples often come to my office to discuss the lack of connection, stating their relationships are disjointed or not close enough. Disconnected might be how they feel, but often the opposite might be true. They aren't too far apart - they're too close!
The problematic “too close” looks like this: couples sharing their anxiety, stress, purpose, or validation.
The word hate is thrown around loosely. Our children hate pickles or baths. We hate our dishwashers, our jobs... and although hate may be a strong word, offense and resentment is something we all relate to. We walk around with things we're offended by somewhere beneath the surface, and some of these resentments are justifiable. However, harbouring grudges, offenses, and hate is unhealthy and unhelpful.
Question: I have a capable and responsible husband, but I have a hard time not micro-managing him when it comes to our children and family life. How do I both give up some control and yet still maintain some?
The end of a relationship is complex, difficult, and confusing. When a relationship ends and there are children, this complexity multiplies. It might feel impossible to work with your ex, especially when they appear to work against healthy plans. As one friend expressed, "Shouldn't they, of all people in the world, want the best for our children and act accordingly?"
Inner freedom. It's nothing I've mastered, but rather a lesson that lately I can't ignore. Embracing this lesson will create space for peace and happiness and this is available to you.
When you are ready to have a baby, the "getting pregnant" part it isn't always easy. Infertility is a common struggle for many couples, and as someone who struggled with fertility and counselled many who had challenges becoming parents, I know how hard it can be. The waiting, longing, disappointment, as well as the "why us?" can take its toll. You might wonder if it's meant to be when an anticipated pregnancy does not happen as planned.
Sex is important in your relationship. Often after the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship ends there are times of plenty and times of drought due to life's demands and needs. Too often sex is the first to be sacrificed in a busy schedule, yet it is important in the maintenance and building of your marriage because it provides connection through closeness and vulnerability, and gives an opportunity for a healthy release of emotions, and it helps us relax. We parents could use these benefits couldn't we?
If the Amazon ship has sailed (without an order from you that is,) and you can't face the quadrupled price for roses or a crowded restaurant, here are some things you can do to celebrate and invest in your relationship on Valentine's Day. Share this with your spouse, the new frazzled mom-friend desperate for ideas, or the procrastinator in your life for this last minute Valentine's Day idea list complete with their relationship building reasons. This list does not include crazy line-ups or reservations! Since time is of the essence, here you go:
Have you ever wanted advice from a professional therapist but couldn't book a whole hour? The Relationship Rescuer is available to you!
Our first question for this new monthly advice section deals with money, values, differences, and dealing with Grandparents.
Dear Kelly,
My husband's wealthy family - who we see regularly - is obsessed with money. They talk often about money and judge people by how much they make. How do I minimize this money focus with my kids?
