Everyone, including my 6 year-old, knows that there’s nothing worse than TV-induced real life disruptions. Like any normal six year-old (???) my son recently initiated a conversation with me about death and my own mortality. At one point he wondered “do you know what would really really break my heart?”
“Yes.” I solemnly responded. “Somebody you care about dying.”
“No. The TV splitting into two pieces.” Pause. “That AND somebody dying.” he added for good measures.
See? He gets it.
Last night I dodged a few bullets. Within a matter of minutes all of my social media feeds were awash with “Eff you, Game of Thrones!” memes and excited debates. I haven’t watched the current (well, last) season yet, so naturally I ducked and covered as spoiler bullets were whistling over my head.
If you haven’t watched the season or season finale, here are some effective coping techniques to help you get through the day and gracefully prepare for and handle similar kerfuffles in the future:
Step 1: DO NOT READ THE BOOK
This is key. I can’t stress enough how important this is. Whatever you do, do not read it. Remember: humanity is headed in that direction anyway, so why not take a shortcut.
Step 2: UNPLUG
You must’ve heard the endless talk urging you to lean in, put the phone away, be in the moment and thrive. Eff that noise. Don’t give in and keep fighting the good fight. Except for post Game of Thrones Finale Monday. That’s the only time you should embrace that tediousness.
Step 3: DO NOT ENGAGE
People are going to want to chit chat at the water cooler at work or at school drop off and pick up. This is unacceptable. Wear sunglasses so they can’t establish eye contact or pretend that you’re sleeping.
Step 4: AVOID HEARING OTHER PEOPLE’S CONVERSATIONS
This is a tricky one. While you have some control over whether people engage you in a conversation or not, it’s harder to get them to not talk amongst themselves. What to do if you sense a Game of Thrones Geekarade brewing in your presence? If you’re not in a position to run, don't panic, there are several other things you can do, like wear those really big 80s headphones that cover your entire ears. Wear them all day but remember to pray. And to keep wearing them. God only helps those who help themselves. If you’re not in possession of such headphones you can always use the much less effective low tech equivalent, stick your fingers in your ears and repeat the mantra: I am taking control over my life, I am taking control over my life, I am taking control over my life.
Step 5: TAKE A SICK DAY
The best way to avoid the Spoiler Boomerang Effect or the Echoing Spoiler as the more romantic souls refer to it, is to fake your own malady. Start with one day and see where that takes you. At the end of the day cautiously plug in and poke your head out – while still wearing your headphones. Alternatively text a friend that you’ve established trust with and ask whether it’s safe to resume.
Image Source: HBO Canada
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