There are some times you should simply not go shopping, because what you bring home serves as the sad reminder that you are chemically prone to hallucinations, momentary lapses in bad taste, and rationalization frenzies. This is also referred to as Why-the-hell-did-I-buy-that Syndrome. Let me demonstrate with the chilling conclusion of...
SHOPPING WHILE HORMONAL (Part 2)
Read tips 1, 2, and 3 here!
Sale racks+PMS=regret. Steer clear of anything marked ‘clearance.’ You know why, right?
Because all it takes is the glimmer of a trend on its way out, but priced right, to have you thinking you could totally pull of sequins and fringe, or super-high-waisted pants with suspenders, or a purple suede vest.
Maybe you think you would never buy something that isn’t a cornerstone piece of your wardrobe, but somehow you are convinced that this random sale item is the game changer. It’s the new hit of colour or splash of texture that will complement your old stuff and be the perfect ‘update.' And it’s only $19.99, so it’s such a crazy good deal, right?
Alpine print was my Achilles heel. I thought it looked cute, but wouldn’t indulge until my progesterone-glazed eyes fell on The Sweater.
After I got my period and my head cleared, I realized that I looked like I had ransacked Steve Podborsky’s closet from 1983. Sigh.
5. If It Looks Like a Penis...
One fine day, I went into Homesense looking for some inspiration. I was on day three of my cycle. What ensued was a fascinating exercise in Freudian Home Décor.
When I came back to the car, where Hubs and Baby Girl were waiting, Hubs passed cola through his nose.
“What? What’s so funny? For God’s sake, what? Isn’t it nice? Don’t you like it? I thought we could put it in the dining room...”
Note: If you want to buy something huge and phallic that doesn’t belong in your goody drawer, it’s time for a date night. And don’t buy it. Ever. It will not look appealing on your mantle during the Holidays, no matter what you think.
What’s your worst tale of hormone-driven buyer’s remorse? Post your story in the comments and I might ship you this lovely black phallic urn from my personal collection of retail fails.
No, really. Threat and promise.
Remember, no matter what hideous thing you regret buying,