Earlier this year I fell in love with a pair of underwear.
They were fancy, lacy, adorable, sexy—and being held hostage at an adult store.
I sat there in the parking lot of said store, with my heart slamming inexplicably in my chest, palms glistening and sweaty, as I drummed up the courage to go in.
‘You are a grown woman, Kat. Grown. Woman. You got this.’ I nodded a fierce reaffirmation to no one in particular and my brain pumped adrenaline, and a lot of Redford/Pitt type intel-pep-talk from Spy Game as I burst across the threshold.
‘Just a walk in the park…’ I told myself, swallowing profusely, nodding at the staff and other shoppers with the kind of over-owned ‘confidence’ that undeniably made me seem deranged.
The girl behind the counter was untangling a bunch of hangers and what looked like a mess of lace and pleather with a blasé expression on her face. Feeling the weight of my stare she slowly looked up and chanced a brief smile. I realized that I was like some bizarre feral creature standing there half-hidden behind a rack, and that she was juggling the desperation of not making direct eye contact, backing slowly out of danger, and upholding her retail training and love of people.
“I’m looking for underwear” I choked out. Or barked. I don’t really know which.
“Ummm.. ok. That’s good..uh… for you?”
“Yesssss.” For the love of…Did I just hiss at the poor girl? What was wrong with me?
There was something about the way she was looking at me (or maybe not looking at me?) that made me feel like I wasn’t wearing pants. Oh my god. Wait. I was wearing pants, right? Oh ok yes. Phew. One nightmare at a time, Inokai.
And then the epiphany bomb went off. Right there, in the middle of the store.
Why was buying toys, underwear, or anything else that materially celebrated sexuality such a bizarre covert operation?
Everyone around me was in the same boat. They all looked borderline pained and embarrassed or were speaking in hushed tones.
Can you imagine going to the grocery store and shopping like this? Half hiding the box of cereal you’re buying and eyeing other shoppers shiftily for fear of judgment?
Why was buying things to ‘feel good’ such a big deal and such a seemingly ‘bad’ thing?
Eventually I did buy my underwear, but I realized that I needed to get to the bottom of this issue and stop skulking around sex—and I needed to do this for me, for moms, and for couples everywhere. But mostly for me.
I decided to meet with entrepreneurial whirlwind and Sexpert Katrina McKay about her on-line adult store ohhhcanada.ca to learn as much as I could about our self-conscious yet sexual natures, how we perceive sex, and how we can have some fun with it.
Check out the latest webisode of Trying Times Show to find out what I learned about ‘the Good Girl box,’ sex, sex toys, and how to spice life up a few notches—right now.
My biggest takeaway from the experience?
Sexuality changes context throughout our lives and sometimes we may just need a little something to help jumpstart us, our relationships, or challenge our perceptions of who we are and what we like.
Sometimes it can be scary to explore those perceptions, because it means that we’re exposed and vulnerable. Our instinct is to cover up and hide in any other scenario.
But when it comes to sex, being exposed is sort of key, and it can be the most fun and most enlightening part of finding out about ourselves, our partners, and what makes us tick.