Want to know how to get through the holidays when you’re going through a split?
Me. Too.
This is what I’ve come up with so far to get a handle on how this first, separated Christmas is going to work.
5 Things To Help You Survive Christmas After A Divorce
Routine Trumps All
It doesn’t matter how many days or nights either one of us is going to have with our kidlet this holiday season, the most important thing is making sure Baby Girl’s routine stays put.
That means her morning snack, her lunch, her nap (if she ever has one again *crossing fingers*) and her bedtime stay the same no matter where she is, and no matter who she’s getting festive with.
It’s so easy to get off track. ‘It’s a special occasion..’ or ‘But they never see her/him..’ or ‘It’s just a little slice of cake..’ Yes, traditions are super important, but during a separation, your child’s routine is even more-so. It creates stability in a world of ever changing faces and places. Don’t confuse traditions and special time with your families as the ‘exceptions to the rule.’
Instead, use your routine as the jumping off point to plan pickups and drop offs, and don’t worry about asserting the times and familiar activities that are going to keep your kid happy, and centered. If turkey dinner is running late but your toddler eats at 5:30pm, plan for that. If bedtime is 7:30pm, try and keep it as close to that as possible.
Pick Your Battles
There are always going to be certain things that require a more adaptive approach in the holiday season.
A little flexibility at bedtime when Santa’s on his way is probably in order.
Sweets are not the end of the world even though I just cringed as I wrote that. I know that whether with my family or the Ex’s, there are going to be lovely people sticking festive cookies and squares in Baby Girl’s hand if not in her mouth. If you can, get on the same page as your Ex so that you can wrangle your respective families and agree on when during the day is best for treats.
Dates and times do not Christmas make. Each family has their own special approach to traditions, dinner, and everything in between. Just because you’re no longer married it doesn’t mean that your own little unit doesn’t have its own traditions too. Instead of squabbling over down-to-the-minute details, work together to preserve the best of everything and include it wherever you can, keeping an open mind, and a flexible schedule.
Gifts
Who’s giving what, and how?
I think it’s a great idea to set a budget together, discuss beforehand what a major gift is going to be, and also, to make sure that all loving, ever-spoiling aunties and grandparents know your joint approach.
Here are some questions you might want to ask. ‘How are we signing the cards this year?’ You might decide together that everything is coming from ‘Santa’ to put a cloak over the ‘who gave what.’ There’s also ‘What tree should this go under?’
Try and share the giving and the receiving parts — take plenty of reaction shots of your wee one digging into gifts no matter where they are.
Think Outside The Box: Your Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide
Get Your Stories Straight
Some people are agnostic. Some people are devout in their faiths —whatever that faith may be. Some families embrace Santa. Others have the Christmas Angel or even Jesus drop off the presents. True.
So when there is more than 1 story of giving in the family, or more than 1 belief, make sure you sit down with your Ex and go through what exactly each other’s traditions and beliefs really are.
I think if at all possible, being able to have a united message to say ‘on Christmas Eve, the Christmas Angel puts all the presents under the tree, and then Santa comes down and stuffs all the stockings..’ is way more fun than the divided context of '..well your MOTHER believes that Santa stuffs the stockings. But in OUR family..'
Am I wrong? I don’t know. I’m just looking at it from a toddler’s perspective.
Breathe
Accept that people are going to do things differently than you, and that you have no control over it. None.
It might grate on your nerves. It might have you tearing at your hair. But at the end of the day, those differences are opening your child’s heart and expanding his or her experiences to a world of diversity and multifaceted people.
People that are their family, no matter what happens.
People that will love them, encourage them, and support them, every single day of the year.
Stay Positive,
XO Kat
BONUS: My gift to you? A little sample of a fun 'routine' print-out that I made for Baby Girl, that we can share across the board. Every family gets one. It goes up on all our fridges, and it's fun, and interactive. Enjoy! :)
Printer-friendly version