Julie Cole: The Baby Machine


Taming The Monsters We Created

Happy New Year!

January is upon us and it means the season of the world’s worst parenting is over and we must now reform the monsters we created.

Christmas provides moms and dads with the perfect opportunity to parent badly. December is all about “Santa is watching” and “You better be good.....or ELSE!”

We spend four weeks bribing kids (“If you’re good, you’ll get presents!”), and providing a full supply of empty threats (“Be naughty and you won’t get presents!”).  I know some pretty naughty kids who have not received coal in their stockings, so I don’t think we’re fooling anyone.

A couple of years ago we got our hands on one of those Elf on the Shelf® characters. It seems this little trend really caught on and I heard parents buzzing about Elf on the Shelf throughout the festive season. The Elf acts as a sort of ‘enabler’ by encouraging our bad parenting ways. It sits on a shelf in your home and acts as a spy for Santa. The “Elf on the Shelf” watches your kids’ every move then reports back to the big guy each night while the kids are sleeping.  Every day, parents everywhere find themselves saying “I wonder what the Elf is going to report to Santa tonight?”

Now we have a bad parenting accomplice in the form of that wee Elf, I say we just accept that December is Bad Parenting Month and embrace him as a partner in crime.

The problem is that, now it’s January, the Elf is hidden in the basement and Santa threats are 11 months away. On that note—Happy New Year, and good luck reforming the brats. If mine take too long, I’ll be introducing them to Krampus on the Shelf.

Krampus stuffs naughty children into a sack, then brings them to his lair to devour for Christmas dinner. Nice!