This may come as a surprise to some of you but sometimes people disagree on the internet. Well, everywhere, really. But there's something about disagreeing on the internet that turns otherwise sane and courteous people into stark raving asshats.
Sadly, I've mostly abandoned all hope for my fellow adults in this regard. Sure, not everyone that creates, comments and shares online is prone to episodes of profound douchebaggery, but I've read enough YouTube comment threads to know that an alarming number of people are.
So I instead turn my eyes to the future, hoping that we can take the clean slate of youth and etch upon it a sense of deceny, decorum and restraint. Want the online world to be a better place? Sure you do. So before you send your children into the mad, mad world of online discussion and debate, teach them these three simple steps to not being an asshat on the internet.
Nothing is black and white. Nothing. There are shades of grey in every issue.
"Hey now, Joe, murder is wrong. Surely that's cut and dry, right?"
Good point, rhetorical voice I just made up. Murder's bad. But what if a kidnapping victim has to murder their captor to get free? Is that bad? Or what about an abused spouse who can't take it anymore and kills their abuser? What about medically-assisted suicide? Are those all bad? Are they morally wrong? Maybe, I guess, but even a fictional entity created for the purposes of developing a false dialogue can see there's ambiguity there, right?
"Yea."
Thanks.
In my experience, there are two types of people who treat issues as black and white in online discussions:
Don't be the former. And if you are the latter, consider that your audience may not understand that that's what you're doing (unless everyone has read and agreed with this post, of course. But that's going to take a few weeks).
Allow for ambiguity. Celebrate wiggle room. Embrace the grey. You'll be amazed how much easier it is to accept opposing views when you realize they're as muddy as yours probably are.
I can't believe I have to say this but there's ample evidence to suggest that it does. Show some respect. With creepy robots that are writing news articles and academic papers as rare exceptions, things online — articles, videos, comments — are published there by people. You're welcome to challenge those people. You're welcome to disagree with them. You can be offended, angry, or upset. But respect that there's a person who believes what they wrote or said.
"But that person is insulting something I hold dear!"
That IS annoying isn't it? It can even be offensive, antagonistic or something worse. Not everyone is a good person, after all. Which leads me to ...
This really is the first step for anyone who wants to engage in online debate, actually. But I've written it as number three and I've got a groove going so I'm not going to stop now.
You are absolutely, 100% entitled to your opinion. And, frankly, so long as you follow steps one and two in this list (see, I knew I listed this as number three for a reason), you're entitled to share it. Heck, you can even try to convince other people that your opinion is the more meritous or valid opinion.
But first, challenge it.
In fact, try this now. Take your deepest, most steadfast belief. The canonical truth of your very being. For the purposes of illustration, I'm going to call back that rhetorical voice. He seems cool. Voice I invented a few paragraphs ago, what's something you know is true to the very depths of your soul?
"Dill pickle chips are the best chips."
Why do you say that?
"Because they are."
Right, but why?
"Because they're the best tasting chips and the texture is amazing."
How long have you felt that way?
"Since I first tried them in 1987."
So before that you believed that a different chip was the best?
"Well, do Hickory Sticks count?"
Sure.
"Yea, they were the best. They're still a close second."
But you remember a time when dill pickle chips weren't your favourite?
"Yea."
Do you think it's possible that sometime you'll find some other kind of chips you like more?
"No!"
But wouldn't you have thought that about Hickory Sticks too?
"Well..."
And if someone hadn't had dill pickle chips, or even if they had, can you see why they might like a different chip more?
... and so on. Now, faced with the question again, do you think the answer would change having gone through this exercise? Probably not. After all, most people come by their most steadfast beliefs quite sincerely. But the rhetorical voice guy has taken the time to put his beliefs in context. Hopefully it's made him more understanding of where others are coming from. It certainly gives him greater insight into why he believes what he believes. Ideally he carries that context into his next online debate over chip flavours.
There. Three special steps. Special Agent Oso would be proud.
And look, I'm not naive. Step one itself will tell you that nothing is this cut and dry. But I firmly believe that following these three steps would make online discussion and debate a lot more useful and a lot less hurtful. Sure, there are many other steps we need to take to prepare our kids for what the internet may bring. Not everyone creates for altruistic purposes. Some people do want to foster discontent. Some people are just trolls. But sometimes that epic online flamewar really just is a matter of people having different and reasonable views of an issue.
We can do better than just fanning the flames. And if we can't, here's hoping we can teach our kids they can.
One might think that, with a title like "4 books all children should have on their shelves," this post is going to be full of classic tales of the power of perseverence, like "The Little Engine That Could;" or heartworming reminders of the power of parental love, like "Love You Forever." And while those books should be on every child's shelf, that's not what this post is about.
Nope, this is about the books that should be on the shelf because they are books that are fun for parents to read.
Selfish? Maybe. Useful? Youbetcha!
So, if you're the parent of an infant, toddler or preschooler — or if you're looking for amazing baby shower gift ideas — check out these can't-miss titles.
Important note: These are books my wife and I bought and paid for (or received as gifts from awesome friends). These weren't provided as free review copies, I wasn't asked by the publishers to review them and, frankly, they certainly don't know and probably don't care that I'm mentioning the books here.
Right, on with the list!
"The Monster at the End of This Book: Starring Loveable, Furry Old Grover" by Jon Stone (1971)
Let's kick this off with a classic, shall we? This bad boy is older than me and was on my shelf when I was a kid. The link above takes you to its Wikipedia entry (which contains spoilers, if having the plot twist to a 40-year-old children's book bothers you) which describes the book as "post modern" for its direct interaction with the reader. I had no idea I appreciated post-modernity as a youth but there you go.
Anyway, it's that interaction with the reader that makes this book so awesome. Grover is terrified of the monster at the end of the book so he begs, pleads and erects brick walls in an attempt to keep you from reaching the end. Your kid will have a blast foiling Grover's attempts to stop you from turning pages — particularly if you play along and act like his efforts to tie the pages together really do impede your reading.
Ten (Plus 1) Tips To Help A Struggling Reader
But a quick word of warning: make sure you're buying the original. The crafty bastards behind this beloved tale tried to ride a wave of parental nostalgia and capitalize on the lust for everything Elmo at the same time by releasing "Another Monster at the End of This Book" in the late 1990s. It's a blatant rip off and it lacks the charm of the original, simply parachuting Elmo into the narratve on the assumption that, like bacon, Elmo makes everything better.
ELMO IS NOT BACON. STOP MESSING WITH THE CLASSICS.
<Big breath>
Ok. Where were we?
RIght. On to the second must-have book.
"We Are in a Book!" (from the Elephant and Piggie series) by Mo Willems (2010)
Continuing my apparent love of "post modern" kids' books, "We Are In A Book" is the 13th installment of the amazingly well conceived Elephant and Piggie series by Mo Willems. In this story, the piggie (Piggie) and elephant (Gerald) suddenly become aware that they are the stars of the story and they take great delight in making the reader say silly words — namely, "banana." To this day, my kid will laugh hysterically if you just look her in the eye and say, deadpan, "banana."
It's my favourite in the series but, really, this entire franchise is charming and hilarious. The two characters have a wonderfully strong friendship and if you're into things like "lessons" and "morals" in your kid's books, these books have them in spades. If, like me, you're more into absurdity, Sorkin-esque dialogue pacing and the occasional bit of slapstick humour, these books deliver there too.
Quick word of warning, though. Without giving too much away, there's a gag at the end of "We Are In a Book" that calls upon the reader to read the story again. If your child is empathetic this could send you into an endless spiral of repeat reading. Luckily my kid seems to take a sadistic delight in denying the request to read it again.
"Unicorn Thinks He's Pretty Great" by Bob Shea (2013)
Any book that features the brilliant line/potential catchphrase "taste my cloven justice!" is bound to be amazing. This one doesn't disappoint. I'm a big fan of stories that don't pander or talk down to kids and this one fits the bill. The author's website (linked above) promises "books for really smart kids" and it's a pretty apt description. This one is just as interesting and entertaining to me as it is to my kid.
In a nuthsell, the goat is cynical and somewhat despondent; clearly upset that the new unicorn in the neighbourhood is upstaging him at every turn. It's classic children's book fodder, thematically — the goat is jealous of the unicorn but the unicorn proves to be just as jealous of the goat and the two become fast friends, embracing their differences. But the presentation and character style is anything but traditional.
"But Not The Hippopotamus" by Sandra Boynton (1982)
Admittedly, picking your favourite Sandra Boynton book is like choosing your favourite flavour of ice cream. With more than 50 titles to her name and a 30+ year publishing career, Sandra Boynton is basically R.L. Stein (except instead of teenlit horror fiction she writes absurd stories about partying hippos, misanthropic chickens and adventurous piglets. In fact, if you don't already have one of her fun little board books on your shelf I'd be surprised.
So why choose this book in particular? It's funny and surprising, sure, but so are "Fifteen Animals," "Happy Hippo, Angry Duck" and dozens of other Boynton offerings.
Well, I have a theory that you can learn a lot about your partner by listening to them read this book. Without giving away too much, the story centres around a number of animals pairing off and heading out on all sorts of adventures and activities, leaving the hippo behind. Animal x and animal y partake in some michevious fun, "but not the hippopotamus." When I read this book, I adopted a solemn, sad voice for that oft-repeated line. Poor hippo, I thought. Just wants to be part of the fun.
Then I heard my wife read it.
"But not the hippopotamus," she repeated, seemingly taking delight in the hippo's pain.
"But not the hippopotamus!"
"But not the hippopotamus!"
"But not the hippopotamus!"
"GOOD LORD, AMY! WHAT DID THE POOR HIPPO EVER DO TO YOU?"
Sheesh. You think you know someone.
So there you have it, friends. Four books that your kid may or may not enjoy but you certainly will. I guarantee it.*
Are you more of a fan of stories that aren't committed to paper? You might enjoy the Adventures of Harold and Harriet. Or hey, just turn on the television instead, we won't judge. We'll even help there too.
*Not a guarantee
Printer-friendly version