This may come as a surprise to some of you but sometimes people disagree on the internet. Well, everywhere, really. But there's something about disagreeing on the internet that turns otherwise sane and courteous people into stark raving asshats.
Sadly, I've mostly abandoned all hope for my fellow adults in this regard. Sure, not everyone that creates, comments and shares online is prone to episodes of profound douchebaggery, but I've read enough YouTube comment threads to know that an alarming number of people are.
So I instead turn my eyes to the future, hoping that we can take the clean slate of youth and etch upon it a sense of deceny, decorum and restraint. Want the online world to be a better place? Sure you do. So before you send your children into the mad, mad world of online discussion and debate, teach them these three simple steps to not being an asshat on the internet.
Nothing is black and white. Nothing. There are shades of grey in every issue.
"Hey now, Joe, murder is wrong. Surely that's cut and dry, right?"
Good point, rhetorical voice I just made up. Murder's bad. But what if a kidnapping victim has to murder their captor to get free? Is that bad? Or what about an abused spouse who can't take it anymore and kills their abuser? What about medically-assisted suicide? Are those all bad? Are they morally wrong? Maybe, I guess, but even a fictional entity created for the purposes of developing a false dialogue can see there's ambiguity there, right?
"Yea."
Thanks.
In my experience, there are two types of people who treat issues as black and white in online discussions:
Don't be the former. And if you are the latter, consider that your audience may not understand that that's what you're doing (unless everyone has read and agreed with this post, of course. But that's going to take a few weeks).
Allow for ambiguity. Celebrate wiggle room. Embrace the grey. You'll be amazed how much easier it is to accept opposing views when you realize they're as muddy as yours probably are.
I can't believe I have to say this but there's ample evidence to suggest that it does. Show some respect. With creepy robots that are writing news articles and academic papers as rare exceptions, things online — articles, videos, comments — are published there by people. You're welcome to challenge those people. You're welcome to disagree with them. You can be offended, angry, or upset. But respect that there's a person who believes what they wrote or said.
"But that person is insulting something I hold dear!"
That IS annoying isn't it? It can even be offensive, antagonistic or something worse. Not everyone is a good person, after all. Which leads me to ...
This really is the first step for anyone who wants to engage in online debate, actually. But I've written it as number three and I've got a groove going so I'm not going to stop now.
You are absolutely, 100% entitled to your opinion. And, frankly, so long as you follow steps one and two in this list (see, I knew I listed this as number three for a reason), you're entitled to share it. Heck, you can even try to convince other people that your opinion is the more meritous or valid opinion.
But first, challenge it.
In fact, try this now. Take your deepest, most steadfast belief. The canonical truth of your very being. For the purposes of illustration, I'm going to call back that rhetorical voice. He seems cool. Voice I invented a few paragraphs ago, what's something you know is true to the very depths of your soul?
"Dill pickle chips are the best chips."
Why do you say that?
"Because they are."
Right, but why?
"Because they're the best tasting chips and the texture is amazing."
How long have you felt that way?
"Since I first tried them in 1987."
So before that you believed that a different chip was the best?
"Well, do Hickory Sticks count?"
Sure.
"Yea, they were the best. They're still a close second."
But you remember a time when dill pickle chips weren't your favourite?
"Yea."
Do you think it's possible that sometime you'll find some other kind of chips you like more?
"No!"
But wouldn't you have thought that about Hickory Sticks too?
"Well..."
And if someone hadn't had dill pickle chips, or even if they had, can you see why they might like a different chip more?
... and so on. Now, faced with the question again, do you think the answer would change having gone through this exercise? Probably not. After all, most people come by their most steadfast beliefs quite sincerely. But the rhetorical voice guy has taken the time to put his beliefs in context. Hopefully it's made him more understanding of where others are coming from. It certainly gives him greater insight into why he believes what he believes. Ideally he carries that context into his next online debate over chip flavours.
There. Three special steps. Special Agent Oso would be proud.
And look, I'm not naive. Step one itself will tell you that nothing is this cut and dry. But I firmly believe that following these three steps would make online discussion and debate a lot more useful and a lot less hurtful. Sure, there are many other steps we need to take to prepare our kids for what the internet may bring. Not everyone creates for altruistic purposes. Some people do want to foster discontent. Some people are just trolls. But sometimes that epic online flamewar really just is a matter of people having different and reasonable views of an issue.
We can do better than just fanning the flames. And if we can't, here's hoping we can teach our kids they can.
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