Joe Boughner: The Naked Dad


It's the Parenting Olympics!

Wait, can we say Olympics?

Disclosure: This idea comes from my very good friend, Allana, who first suggested on Twitter that Parenting Olympics could totally be a thing. She suggested "wrangling kids into snow gear," "babywearing toddlers in snowsuits" and "teaching flailing preschooler to skate" as possible events. With her blessing, I ran with the idea. Allana is sweet, funny and well worth a follow on Twitter

In case you've been living under a rock lately, the winter games are underway over in Russia. And despite serious unease thanks to nasty human rights abuses for those living in Russia as well as those just working there temporarily, I find myself coming down with a serious case of Olympic fever. I blame the Dufour-Lapointes

And since there's a very good chance I'll never be an actual Olympian (though I do enjoy curling...) I am wholeheartedly embracing the idea of an Olympic-like competition for parents. Here then, with no further ado, are my proposed events for the Games of The First Parenting Olymp-ish-iad. And while the intention was to replicate the ongoing winter games, most of these events take place indoors because, honestly, snowsuits are a pain in the ass.

  • Team Driveway Clearing - A timed event in which parents race to see who can shovel the driveway the fastest with the "help" of their young child.
  • Speed Question Answering - Which parent can survive a barrage of "why" questions the longest with out resorting to "just because," "because I said so" or "magic?"
  • Sharp Object Obstacle Course - Wherein parents must negotiate a course full of Lego blocks, action-figure weapons and, of course, dried bits of play-doh faster than their competitors. 
  • Dad Dancing - A judged event, naturally. Required elements include "the horribly-botched macarena," "the YMCA," arrhythmic pelvic thrusting and "the running man." 
  • Speed Diaper Changing - 10 second penalties are awarded for every missed bum wipe, accidental diaper-tab tear, spot of poop on the change table and blast of urine in the face or on the hands.
  • Swaddle Rodeo - A two part event. First, speed swaddling (think calf roping), then the wriggle test (think bull riding). 
  • Bedtime Marathon - Probably self evident. Very much an endurance sport.
  • Sleepy Pancake Flipping - No making coffee first. 
  • Car Ride Marathon - See also Bedtime Marathon.


Got any other good ones? Leave 'em in the comments!