It's been a hard week. A hard few weeks, actually, on a few different fronts, but it came to head this week with a death in my wife's extended family and some dental surgery for my wife that knocked her out of commission for a few days. It seems like there's a steady stream of grownup stuff to deal with lately. Stuff that, at 33, shouldn't really faze me anymore but nonetheless does because, well, adulthood, man. Adulthood.
Enter Mom and Dad.
My parents planned their May long weekend visit a few weeks ago, long before this most recent stretch of grownupism reared its ugly head but the timing couldn't be much better. I talk a lot on this blog about my wife and kid but I don't think I've written about my parents before. But I did write about them on an old blog of mine. Several years ago, admittedly, back when Dad finally moved into retirement, but I think it still holds up as well today as it did when I wrote it (besides, the old blog had like four readers and my mom was one of them so...)
And so, lazy as it is, I am going to repost excerpts from that post now (the whole thing is here if you're interested). If anyone needs me, I'll be downstairs pretending I'm five again. Nuts to this adulthood business.
As son of the mill manager I went into [my summer job working at the mill he managed] fully expecting to bust my ass and keep my mouth shut. With no idea what to expect I expected the worst. After all, I was the boss’ kid.
Instead of bitterness and resentment, though, I was struck by the respect and, dare I say, admiration my coworkers had for my dad. “Tom” (never Mr. Boughner) was welcome in the control room and on the line. When he talked shop at all it was the unmistakable voice of someone who knew the business. Mostly, though, he talked about nothing at all. The condition of the golf course. The prospect for the Leafs this season.
He knew the guys by name and he treated them like people. Make no mistake, he called the shots, but he didn’t need to micromanage; he knew his people and he knew they knew their jobs. He knew when to push but, more importantly, he knew when not to. He understood that employees are only employees while they’re at work. They have families and hobbies. They are part of a community and they deserve respect for that.
Being part of that team gave me a unique perspective on what an incredible leader my Dad really is. Most people don’t get to see their parents in their work environment; I know I’m a better person and a better professional for having that opportunity.
Dad’s an optimist. Of that there is no doubt. But looking back, I don’t think that alone would have gotten him through. Nope, for that he needed Mom and her very unique combination of cynicism and the ability to take delight in the absurdity of society. The ability to laugh when things seem darkest. The recognition that, in the grand scheme of things, no setback or problem is really worth sweating over.
It’s a wonderful sense of perspective that we all too frequently lose. At the end of the day, I have a wife that loves me. We have a hilarious and well-mannered dog. We both have stable jobs and we’ve got a soft bed on which to lay our heads.
Growing up my parents always took the time to tell me how proud they were of me. I hope this post helps make them realize how proud I am of them. I love you both; you’ve earned that house overlooking the water.
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