If there's one thing I've learned in my almost three years of parenting it's this: Someone somewhere has decided there's money to be made in children's programming. Cause MAN is there a lot of it.
Even though we've been largely successful at limiting our daughter's tube time, I've nonetheless been exposed to countless programs and characters. And let me tell you, for every ubiquitous phenomenon like Dora or Blue's Clues, there are handfuls of shows that even the most savvy of parent may not have heard of.
So whether you're a new parent dipping into the world of Treehouse and Disney Junior for the first time or if you're a season vet whose toddler is growing tired of his standard programming (spoiler alert, new parents, toddlers have short attention spans), the following guide should help you separate the wheat from the chaff. Or, at the very least, give you another option when you find yourself singing the Mail Time song while doing the dishes.
Note: We're a PVR and on-demand kind of family. I can't be sure if all of these shows are even still in production. Rest assured, though, they are all available. And kids aren't as fussy about reruns.
Dora the Explorer
Might as well get this one out of the way, right? Dora is a cultural juggernaut; my kid had a Dora backpack (but not THE backpack. Fans of the show know what I mean) even before she knew who Dora was. You can't stroll through a department or dollar store these days without seeing some sort of Dora-branded accessory. My take? Dora is LOUD, man. Elmo loud. And while I understand that repetition is important to learning, I can't believe there'd be a cognitive psychologist who would support the illogical extreme to which Dora takes that theory.
Case in point. The map song. Dora has a map. The map appears every episode. And every time the map appears, this song plays:
If, by some chance, you can't watch the video (or if you smartly opt not to), that's a 45-second song during which the words "I'm the map" are repeated 15 times. Yes, 15. I counted.
So she's loud, there's repetition and, oh yea, she speaks some Spanish. That's actually not a big deal to me, though it has made my daughter convinced that she too can speak Spanish (she can't) but it seems to come up a lot when people talk about Dora. So loud, repetitive and occasionally Spanish. Bring on the merch!
Special Agent Oso
This is a newer entry to the market, at least in our house, and it's one of the current favourites. Oso is a bear who is also a special agent in training. Every episode is a special assignment and each assignment requires Oso to complete three special steps (don't worry, there's a song that explains this).
A couple of things have made this one popular with Mom and Dad as well as the kid. Firstly, each assignment gets a name that closely mirrors a classic Bond film, complete with a theme song (Goldfeather, License to Clean, Leaf Raker etc.). Secondly? The title character is voiced by the guy that played Rudy! He even has one mission where he has to teach a kid named Rudy how to play football.
I know, right?
Finally, the three-steps-to-complete-the-mission framework has become a parenting staple for us when it comes time to get the kid moving. "Ok kiddo, special assignment get ready for bed! Step one: Put on your jammies! Step two: Brush and floss! Step three: Have your snack!" She actually gets us to rattle off the steps as we move through the routine. Score one for the unique stuffed bear.
Max and Ruby
One question: Where are the parents?
I honestly don't know a single parent that enjoys this show and, mercifully, the kid didn't seem enthralled either. This is worth a watch just once, though, if only so you can participate in the hilarious Twitter-based bitchfests about this one. Go ahead, ask where their parents are on Twitter then sit back and watch the sarcasm and conspiracy theories fly.
Toopy and Binoo
First off, let's hear it for some Canadian content, amiright? This was actually the first show my kid got hooked on and while a lot of people find Toopy's frenetic pace to be grating, my wife and I really like this one. First of all, the relationship between Toopy (an anthropomorphic mouse) and Binoo (his anthropomorphic but oddly mute stuffed bear) is awesome—Toopy may be a bit self-centred at times (read: he's a toddler) but he LOVES Binoo and takes very good care of him. Next, the two engage in all kinds of gender-bending fantasy play, which we think is pretty rad given the overwhelming amount of clearly gender targeted characters you find in this class of television.
Oh and it was originally a French program so if Dora has you yearning for a more appropriately-Canadian mix of language, you can dig up French episodes of Toupie et Binou.
Lastly, a review of Toopy and Binoo would not be complete without a nod to perhaps the greatest character on television today: Patchy-Patch, Binoo's stuffed animal. Understated (being a stuffed doll, and all) but still somehow more compelling than 90% of the characters you'll meet these days. Team Patchy-Patch for life, yo.
Doc McStuffins
Last but not least, Disney's Doc McStuffins. I have nothing but good things to say about this show. Human characters who show an appropriate range of human emotion (hear that Dora? You don't have to yell ALL THE BLOODY TIME) with a mix of magic and fantasy. Doc is a young girl who runs a clinic for stuffed animals. Her mom and dad are commonly-appearing characters (looking at you, Max and Ruby) along with her brother and a variety of neighbourhood friends. The human characters are relatable, the toys are endearing and the plot isn't dumbed down or totally nonsensical (sorry Toopy). Oh and the father from Modern Family voiced a character one time. That's pretty cool
Warning. If you watch this show you will start singing the check up song. It's catchy. Don't fight it.
So there you have it. A quick field guide for discerning parents. Got other shows that are on steady rotation at your house? Let me know in the comments!
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