Along with tens of thousands of other teenage girls, I loved Kirk Cameron in the 80s. (And to the likely dismay of Mr. Cameron, I'd venture a guess that many teenage boys set their Star Wars themed sheets afire with lust for him, also.) As the 80s wore on into the 90s and beyond, I changed. Growing Pains ended, I got older, and Kirk Cameron turned into a sexist wiener. Sunrise, sunset.
Cameron no longer supports "partying hard" like his sitcom persona Mike Seaver. Hey, that's cool. We all grow up and move on. Most of us change for the better, as we evolve and learn how the real world works and begin to define our own place within it. Cameron decided his place is standing on a better-than-thou soapbox using his celebrity to educate us plebes on the horrible sin in our lives because we accept "the gay" and maybe have loved ones who are trans or have non-binary identities. And now Cameron is in the news again with more terrible sounds emanating from his stupid sound-making hole. He's using valuable internet space normally populated by fat puppies in baskets and Beyonce/ Jay Z speculation or pulled pork videos. And he's using his platform to tell women that essentially, get back in the kitchen, laydeez, and be submissive to your husbands. You know what? Fuck off with that. The sexism comes in the automatic and unwavering belief that male = best and female = eh, okay I guess if you just stay quiet while I give final word.
Kirk Cameron and his wife can have any kind of marriage they want. If they want to define their spousal roles as submissive and dominant then power to you, Camerons. I wouldn’t come to your block party to watch the dynamic in action but I doubt I'd be invited anyway, since by your definition I'm a heathen because I tell my partner to do things like take out the garbage and put away the groceries and shovel the driveway and touch me there again yes, like that but harder.
In an interview with the Christian Post, Cameron said that marriage will only work if there are clearly defined roles, saying: “Wives are to honor and respect and follow their husband’s lead, not to tell their husband how he ought to be a better husband.” He adds, “When each person gets their part right, regardless of how their spouse is treating them, there is hope for real change in their marriage.”
Let’s unpack this, shall we? Let’s unpack this and light it on fire before throwing it off the back of the moving truck whilst relocating to a city far away from Cameron.
“Husband’s lead” is ambiguous. How does this apply to male/male or female/female marriages? It’s problematic even in a “conventional” marriage. What if my husband, who I am to honour and obey, leads me right off a cliff into a gutted ravine? Or worse; what if he leads me into a Home Depot on a Saturday?
And when it comes to “not telling their husband how to be a better husband,” I ask this, Mr. Cameron: If I don’t tell my husband how he can best please or support me, who will tell him? I don’t think I’m happy leaving that responsibility to the church or his softball league beer-pals. And yes; this works both ways. If there is something I can do to make my partner happy, I want to hear about it in a respectful, open, and trusting way before I tell him no way to a three-way.
When it comes to fair treatment, this part makes me especially twitchy: “...regardless of how their spouse is treating them.” My advice, and you can take it with a grain of salt, is that if you are being treated poorly, you should speak up when you can, leave if it’s bad and you’re able, and be supported in a non-judgmental way by your community if you can’t.
And unlike Cameron, I’d send that advice to any human person, despite their identity, underwear equipment, or societally constructed role.
Image Source: Flickr
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