Jennifer Garner is an impressive human. She is raising her three children — Violet, Seraphina, and Sam, aged 4 to 10 — in a show business family while maintaining a respectful co-parenting relationship with their father, her ex-husband Ben Affleck, who I think lives in their garden shed. Kudos, Ms. Garner; I have trouble getting two kids to school in the morning while remaining on speaking terms with anyone who crosses my path, and I know several pissed off crossing guards who will attest to this. This is because Garner has grace, something you must posess as an innate quality and which cannot be acquired with sheer force or a burrito barter deal in a Taco Bell parking lot. (I've tried.)
Jennifer Garner — grace and all — is featured in March 2016's Vanity Fair where she talks at length about her relationships with her children and ex. She's nothing if not diplomatic, addressing rumours of a dalliance between the family nanny and Affleck:
Now to end on what the gossip pages call “nannygate”—it’s all so unsavory and such a cliché. “Let me just tell you something,” Garner says. “We had been separated for months before I ever heard about the nanny. She had nothing to do with our decision to divorce. She was not a part of the equation. Bad judgment? Yes. It’s not great for your kids for [a nanny] to disappear from their lives.”
Garner also says that her eldest daughter has been her "bunkmate" since the split, and I get that. It's just human nature to want a warm body next to you in bed and if you can't have dogs, have a baby, I say. Lucky for Garner she has some kids, and from the sound and look of things, she had some really nice ones. She tells Vanity Fair that Violet now sleeps with her, and it's working: “I’m happy to have her; she’s happy to have me.” That sounds like it's working, so calm yourselves, anti-family bed contingent. Go back to protesting sugar in 1st birthday cakes.
But while it sounds like at the very least Garner and Violet are getting some Zzz's, the other two children in the home may not be, because the best part of the article is actually only available to digital readers and oh, every other human who has an internet connection and a viewing device.
Are you ready for your new favourite thing? If your children are between 0 and 17 or were, you are going to cherish her telling of the widely-loved, much-referred to, new-classic bedtime story, Go the Fuck to Sleep:
I suggest saving this to your phone and making it your ringtone.
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