Retro TV Moms We Want As Our Own

Peg Bundy

Married with Children 1987-1997

Peg Bundy was not your typical suburban mom of the 80s - she smoked, wore spike heels and stretch leopard print, and her hair was higher than Willie Nelson at his 80th birthday party. Those were the moms of the 70s.

Peg forged her own path and was a feminist in her own right, often teaching a thing or two about the way the world really works to those in her circle, including do-gooder neighbour Marcy D'Arcy. Peg was a force to be reckoned with and although we may not have wanted her as a mom for her housekeeping skills or culinary mastery (cigarette butt salad, anyone?), she was the one we wanted when we were in need of some real advice, like what to look for when choosing a life partner (wealthy, old, and preferably in poor health.)

Roseanne Connor

Roseanne 1988-1997

Roseanne Connor was crusader of the middle class and her struggle was real - insolent children, jerk bosses, and family members with some serious boundary issues. The Connors had their electricity cut for non-payment, stretched meatloaf with cornflakes, and faced real life issues with a house of moody teenagers who were always needing to go to the doctor for birth control. BUT SHE TOOK THEM, because she's awesome and also not ready to be a grandma.

Roseanne never lost her sense of humour, even laughing her way through runaways, teenage marriages, and a string of shitty, low-paying jobs meant to pay the bills and not feed the spirit. She (and her hard working blue collar husband Dan) did all they could to keep their family afloat, and while they may have been short on money and material possessions, Roseanne was the mom we knew would protect her young like a lioness when the jackals came rolling into town on their sexy motorcycles.

Elyse Keaton

Family Ties 1982-1989

What happens when a former hippie couple move to the suburbs? Why, hijinks ensue, of course, just like in any well-made television sitcom. Despite their left-leaning politics, Elyse and Steven Keaton raise their uber-Conservative son Alex P. Keaton with the patience, gentle guidance, and love known only to hippies and television parents. Elyse's love and peace ideology conflicted sharply with that of her Reagan-loving son and less-than-political daughters, but somehow they always met in the middle (and in their kitchen) to share a pot of tea and some brownies to figure it out.

Of course they did; hippies always have the best brownies.

Sophia Petrillo

The Golden Girls 1985-1992

Picture it; Ontario, 1987.

A teenager has a new favourite TV show, and it's loaded with kick-ass women who wear loose-fitting pastel clothing and talk about menopause and sex after 50 - you know, typical teen stuff. But all that dating after being widowed isn't what held our attention. That was the job of Sophia Petrillo, because she told you what she was thinking and pulled no punches. Was brash always her way, or, as the show explained, did a stroke cause her feisty personality to bloom? No matter; whatever the cause, we benefited in TV land.

Sophia Petrillo was 1000 pounds of personality in a 80 pound package and despite her tiny stature she made everyone around her feel safe. Or was it scared stiff? It's a fine line.

Clair Huxtable

The Cosby Show 1984-1992

See that face above? Raising five Huxtable children with Bill Cosby led to that, the perfection of a "This reeks of bullshit" face. It turns out keeping Heathcliff Huxtable out of the refrigerator was the least of Clair's worries.

Clair was a fierce lawyer and advocate for moral justice and an incredibly intelligent and complex woman. Despite having a busy law practice, she always seemed to be home for dinner and looked impeccable at all parent-teacher conferences, which with five children were sure to be plenty.

For reference, I am not a busy lawyer and I wore two different shoes to my kid's last "Meet and Greet Back to School BBQ."

Papa Smurf

The Smurfs 1981-1990

Okay, so while not technically a Mom, Papa Smurf earns himself a position on the list due to his aptitude at care giving. He was a true leader in his community of small blue woodland creatures, and the only one allowed to wear the special red hat.

Papa Smurf ran his community of all male (save for one) mushroom-dwellers like a well-oiled machine. He kept them instilled with healthy fears of evil wizards to keep them from leaving the village and he ...okay; I'm thinking Papa Smurf was maybe actually a cult leader.

I'm scratching him from the list.