I have a teenage daughter. I’ll pause here for dramatic effect, and although I know you can’t see me, take this time to visualize me hanging my head and practicing deep breathing techniques. She’s a great kid, and while she doesn’t do anything “bad” in the way I did when I was her age, she is exhausting. ALL-CAPS. FULL STOP.
Teenage girls aren’t exhausting in the same way nine-year-old boys are exhausting. Sure, nine-year-old boys require a parent to possess stealth, cunning, and an unlimited grocery budget, but fourteen-year-old girls require you to have a sympathetic friend with a similarly aged child who gets in her car as soon as you text “ERMAHGERD LIQR STORE.”
My fifteen-year-old daughter has an alarmingly low tolerance for bullshit of any kind—a trait I believe will serve her well in adult life—but it makes living peacefully with her nearly impossible. And as you can see here, you may be best served to avoid her on particularly grouchy days, especially if you’re a sexist, hairy-knuckled jogger unable to divide fractions who also enjoys guacamole. I’ll be honest and say I’m a bit of a bullshit-hater myself, so she comes by it naturally. If anything, it’s refreshing to see the things that irk a teenager, as they make me long for the days when portable classrooms and slippery hair pins were serious business.
So, here you go: (Note: I compiled this list according to her comments during the short period between waking up in the morning and serving her a crappy toast with crust and natural peanut butter breakfast.)
I cannot wait until she’s finished school and out on her own, because while I agree with a large percentage of the items on her list, I look forward to seeing how she feels about having a mortgage, student loans, and maybe, one day, a bullshit-hating teenager of her own. I posted this list with complete approval from my daughter. When I asked if I could put her “beefs” on my blog, she responded, “Whatever. I don’t care if you put it on your blog. Blogs are bullshit.” Have any to add?
Read more from Jeni on Teens:
*image courtesy WikiCommons