Jen Warman: New Freakin' Mummy


My Birth Plan

(or lack thereof)


And if my baby is anything like me, he or she will arrive ten minutes early (I hate being late).

Did you hear that baby? No pressure though, I’ll love you no matter what. I’ll just love you a little more if you listen to me and come on your due date. (I’m kidding by the way) 

I’m pretty sure already that there is nothing you could ever do to make me stop loving you (and if you, as your teenage self is reading this blog post one day - don’t do that thing that you’re thinking of doing and then throw this comment back in my face, okay? I can still love you and punish you. In fact - it’s a way of showing I that care. Sounds messed up, I know, but you’ll understand one day when you’re a parent)

Yeah, that’s right - I already used the “you’ll understand one day” line, and I haven’t even birthed my child yet. Am I prepared or what? I just need to figure out a way to say “well life isn’t fair, is it?” and I’m all set!!!

Before I jump ahead too far into the future - I suppose I should re-direct my own attention to the fact that...I COULD BE GIVING BIRTH AT ANY MOMENT! And to be honest, I don’t really have a birth plan. Well, I sort of do - and it looks something like this:

  1. Go into labour
  2. Have a healthy baby

Of course I have an ideal situation that I’ve been playing over and over in my head (like an Olympic figure skater, envisioning her routine) but at the end of the day I’ll do whatever it takes to deliver a healthy baby. If that means 10 epidurals (with one in the eye) and hypnosis involving the drinking of donkey urine - then so be it! I’ll do whatever it takes.

I’ll be honest: I’m afraid of induction, and I’m trying to avoid a c-section. I don’t want an epidural (I hate needles more than I hate earthworms) but at the end of the day, it will all come down to a single moment - a single experience in time, and I’ll have to listen to my body. 

I’ve prepped myself with some labour music, labouring techniques, and a good sense of humor. I’m hoping that will be enough to guide me through the experience - and I just hope and pray to the universe that it will be a pleasant one.

I have a loving, calm, and supportive husband who will be with me, as well as a re-assuring, loving, and amazing mother. As long as I don’t get a crusty biznatch of a nurse, I’ll be all set!

I am curious though: do you ladies have any suggestions on what I should think about / consider when going into labour? What worked for you or what would you suggest?

No horror stories please, I have a vivid imagination as it is - but anything useful and positive would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks YMC readers.

I’m anticipating that my next post will be a birth announcement...