Jen Warman: New Freakin' Mummy


I Am A Cow: A Breastfeeding Story


So, I have come to the realization, two-and-a-half weeks after having my baby, that I am in fact a cow. Literally. I’m not complaining about any extra baby weight. I’m being serious. I spend ninety percent of my day with my boobs hanging out-feeding my baby. I don’t do anything else. Sure, I change him after he shits himself (100 times per day) and sometimes he sleeps, but most of the time I am a feeding machine. It’s worth it though, the little guy is rapidly gaining weight and his pediatrician is quite pleased. My breasts, on the other hand, are not so pleased. They could use a rest, to be honest.

With most jobs, after eight hours you get a scheduled thirty-minute lunch and two fifteen-minute breaks. Shouldn’t that rule also apply to breastfeeding? Do I need to bring in a Union? (I’m imagining my boobs holding up picket signs. Lucinda, the left one, is holding a sign that says, “Quit Milking the System!” and Reba, the right one, is holding a sign that says, “Nipples Have Rights Too!”) See what lack of sleep does? It has you hallucinating and envisioning these types of things.

Anyway, boob-protest aside, I really do feel like I belong on a farm some days. Especially at night. My husband and I have worked out a little routine where I go to bed at around 8:30 with the baby, and then I text him when I’m done feeding. He comes upstairs and removes the baby calf (err...Cole) and then takes him away to change and burp him. After X number of hours (minutes), he brings the baby calf back up when he’s ready to feed again, and wakes me from my short slumber. I whip out the boob and feed the little beast again. We do this until about midnight, so that I can at least get a few semi-uninterrupted hours of sleep. It seems to be working, actually, and last night my little calf went four hours without needing to eat.


Do you understand how happy this made me? If I had more energy, I’d do a happy dance and give my friend 'Sleep' a huge high-five. Oh sleep, how I love thee. (Expect a love letter addressed to 'Sleep' in an upcoming post.) ;)

Anyway, the little animal is ready to eat again-I better go pee and get comfy for the next 35-45 minutes. If any of you experienced moms out there have any breastfeeding tips/tricks or advice, I’d love to hear them! Please share! It’ll give me something to read while I feed. (Did you like that rhyme?) Again, me thinking I’m clever and funny due to lack of sleep. It’s better than any drug. I swear.

xx The Cow