Jen Warman: New Freakin' Mummy


Daddy Daycare


I've been writing this blog now for six months and I've yet to write a post about the other half of my son's DNA. Is that selfish and rude or what? There was no immaculate conception I should probably give a shout out to Cole's baby daddy (aka my husband, Tyler). 

Father's Day would have been an appropriate time to write a heart-felt blog. And I did write one. Sort of. And then I never finished it because someone started crying and distracted me (I'm not naming names, but I'm looking at you Cole)

Sigh. That is the new story of my life. "The things that I started and have left half-finished" Like the laundry, and my breakfast, and my partially shaved leg (Don't caress me above the knee...)

Anyway, onto the feature of this presentation—the other love of my life: Tyler Gregory Warman.

I can't believe that we just passed our 10-year anniversary (three years married)!!! You are my best friend, and despite your rancid farts and smelly feet, I love you to pieces. There is no one else in this world I'd rather procreate with. (Now THAT should go on a Hallmark card...) You make me laugh more than any comedian (except Louie CK—he's a pretty funny guy #suckabagofdicks) and you are so loving and supportive. How did I get so lucky?

Now, let's skip the rest of the mushy stuff now for a bit and talk about this upcoming weekend.

You are on full-time Daddy Daycare duty as I take 24 hours away from you and Cole and attend my best friends bachelorette party (although you're coming along with us and we will have our own hotel together—you're still "responsible" for our son...on your own...for the FIRST TIME IN FOUR MONTHS!)

Is your prosthetic man boob ready? Because it's YOUR TURN to do all the feeding, changing, and baby wearing (I'll adjust the ergo carrier for you beforehand, don't worry.) You recently figured out how to collapse the stroller, so I'm feeling slightly more confident now...

*insert scared face*

All jokes aside, I know you'll be fine—since you're already a very hands-on Dad. But the new-Mom in me is having some mini freak outs:

What happens if Cole starts crying and you can't get him settled?
Will you know his hunger cues?
Will you know his sleepy cues?
Will you dress him in nice outfits when you go out? (Of course you will—I packed the going away bag and everything matches, so you can't possibly screw it up!) haha. I'm mostly joking...

Honestly, when I really think about it: I think it's *I* who will have the hardest time. I've never been away from Cole for more than a couple of hours in the past four months. Whenever someone holds him for longer than 2 hours, I need to dive in for a kiss and cuddle. It's going to take all my strength not to scroll through the 2,000 photos of him on my phone every five minutes! Ahhh! New-Mom-Attachment-Issues!!!

No, no, no. I can do this. I can have fun with my friends while I leave our son in your loving and capable hands (and you will wash your hands if you touch a dirty door handle, right?) Haha. Again. I'm mostly joking...(there is sanitizer in the top zipper of the diaper bag—beside the baby tylenol and the camillia drops in case he is teething...)

Seriously...SERIOUSLY....I trust you. I love you. And I know that you and Cole will have a BLAST together. Dad-son bonding is essential, and it's also healthy for me to have some time away. (At least that's what I've heard from people who claim to know shit).

Thanks again for being so chilled out and awesome. I love you so freaking much (don't break our baby. I expect him returned in the same condition I gave him to you in: adorable and happy)  ;)