So. I did it. I took the plunge - and I did something I never thought I'd do: network marketing.
I even wrote a blog post a couple of months ago talking about it as a great 9-5 career alternative for mom's (and it is). But here is the thing:
It wasn't for me.
Despite the amazing coaching and support. Despite the amazing company - I just couldn't make it feel right. I thought maybe I was just exhausted. I thought maybe I just needed to focus more, read more, learn more, immerse myself more. And I did do all of those things. But at the end of the day; it never felt right. I always heard a nagging whisper saying "this isn't you." But I stubbornly tried to shush that whisper and assumed it was just fear or self-doubt talking.
Like Cinderella's ugly step-sister, I kept jamming my foot into that glass slipper trying to make it fit.
"You're going to do so well with this!" Many friends told me.
And at the time, I believed them. I'm social. I love people. I loved the products. How could I not be successful in this business? And I saw success all around me too. Living-breathing proof that this business is very real and very attainable. This business really DOES work for some people (my amazing business partner included!).
So why didn't it work for me? Why did I throw in the towel?
You see - every time I spoke with a friend who was running their own original business - I got excited butterflies. I was more excited for them to be embarking on their own adventure: and I missed my own adventure. And I knew, deep down, this adventure wasn't meant for me.
There were many things that just never felt right about it. When I called my friends to tell them what I was up to, I hated hearing how their voices would change from eager and excited to deflated and monotone once they found out what my "new business" was.
I hated that when I messaged someone, or went to a party, I always felt I had to think of a way to "ask" them to hear about my new business. I knew I was presenting them with an awesome opportunity should they want it - but I hated feeling like I had a hidden agenda - even though I was always very open an honest about what I was doing. I never wanted people to feel like I had ulterior motives. With a business like this though, you're always "ON," and it's hard to turn it "OFF." It was all-consuming at times, and I hated it. I wanted to re-connect with old friends purely for the sake of reconnecting and nothing more.
I really liked the idea of the business, I just hated actually doing the business. Hm. Minor problem.
So it took me quite a while to understand this and work through my feelings about everything. It's really hard sometimes to decipher when "fear" is talking or when "your inner self" is talking. But after taking a four-week break from my business this summer, and having some down-time to just be and have some stillness in my life - the answer became incredibly clear and obvious:
It wasn't a good fit for me.
So this journey has come to an end. But, if I've learned anything through this experience it's that I have an incredible network of amazing people in my life. Truly. If I've spoken to you *points* over the past six months, trust me when I say: it warmed my heart just talking to you. I feel like the luckiest person in the world to know so many genuine, smart, kind, and talented people. I have no doubts that some of us will combine our powers in the future and do some great work together.
I feel free.
I feel like a weight has been lifted, and most importantly - I feel like myself again. I'm 100% sure this was the best decision I could have made.
Yes, I feel like a teeny-tiny bit of a failure (sometimes a HUGE failure): because any time you publicly announce you're going to DO SOMETHING AMAZINGLY-LIFE-CHANGING-AND-AWESOME-AND-MAKE-A-BAZILLION-DOLLARS and then... don't. It feels... well... embarrassing.
But it's okay. This is just part of my journey. This is just a part of my story.
I'm going to shake this off (cue Taylor Swift) and keep writing the next chapter.
I'm about to share something very personal and embarrassing with you guys: the contents of my purse.
Whenever I get a new bag, I start out with the best of intentions, and a declaration to the universe. A purse pledge, that sounds something like this:
"Dearly beloved new bag that smells divine and sweet. I will NOT turn you into a junk pile/trash can/collector of random shit. I will carry you proudly, and stroke you gently with love and affection..." (I'm making my husband jealous). And then two months later, what happens?
The novelty wears off, and my new purse becomes my day-to-day-old purse and turns into a junk-pile-trash-can-collection-of-random-shit...and then some.
And now that I have kids, it's even worse. Not only do I carry around my shit I carry around their shit (sometimes literally).
So without further ado, here - laid out naked for you all to see, here is the embarrassing contents of my purse. Enjoy.
ONE UN-EATEN SOUR GUMMY LEFT OVER FROM A FRIEND'S KID'S BIRTHDAY PARTY. I ATE THE OTHER 17 THAT WERE IN THE BAG. NOT SURE HOW THIS LITTLE FUCKER GOT FREE. DAMN. I HALF CONSIDERED RINSING HIM OFF AND EATING HIM TOO.
RANDOM CUTE TOY THAT MY FRIEND MADE ME. AMUSED MY KIDS FOR 3 MINUTES WHILE AT A RESTAURANT. HIS NAME IS ED.
I CAN NEVER FIND ONE PAIR WHEN I'M LOOKING FOR THEM - YET THERE ARE TWO IN MY PURSE.
ONE PURPLE LEATHER GLOVE (FROM OUR TRIP TO ITALY) THAT IS NOW STAINED WITH AN UNKNOWN WHITE SUBSTANCE. PRETTY SURE IT'S YOGURT. IT'S LIKE AN "OJ MEETS CLINTON-SCANDAL CRIME SCENE". RIGHT?
AND...ANOTHER GLOVE. YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT'S GOING TO SNOW IN AUGUST. RIGHT?
AS A MOM, YOU ALWAYS NEED TO HAVE SNACKS IN YOUR PURSE (AND NOT JUST STALE-LINT-COVERED-SOUR-GUMMY'S)
THE NECKLACE I WORE TO WORK AND THEN HAD TO TAKE OFF BEFORE COMING HOME SO THAT MY CHILDREN DIDN'T STRANGLE ME TRYING TO PLAY WITH IT.
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN SOMEONE WILL GET A STUFFED NOSE AND NEED SALINE DROPS (OR WHEN YOU'LL LEAVE IT IN YOUR PURSE HALF-OPENED AND LET IT LEAK OVER EVERYTHING.)
YES. 3/4 OF OUR SILVERWARE ENDS UP IN MY PURSE. BUT AT LEAST I PACK LUNCHES. RIGHT?
WITH MY FIRST CHILD, I PUREED ALL MY OWN FOODS. WITH MY SECOND CHILD - WE BOUGHT SQUISHY PACKS. HERE IS THE LID. #SECONDCHILDSYNDROME #SUCKSTOBEYOU #THEREAREWORSETHINGS
I GUESS HE'LL KNOW HIS WHOLE ALPHABET EXCEPT FOR THE LETTER "I" BECAUSE IT WAS HIDING IN MY PURSE. #OHWELL #FUCKIT #25LETTERALPHABET #THEREAREWORSETHINGS
And. That's it. Now you know me - inside out. It worked for Pixar...???
That's as deep and embarrassing as I get folks. Don't judge me. I ask you to please love me, despite my trash-carrying-ways. I promise I brush my teeth (most days) and floss (most...months).