A Trip Down My Fertility Timeline

The Day I Peed on a Stick

A Trip Down My Fertility Timeline

I am currently 33-weeks-pregnant and am eating Jelly Bellies at 9:29am. I had a bowl of Bran Flakes for breakfast, so I thought I’d counter that healthy choice with an unhealthy one. Life is about balance, after all!

Food choices aside, I’d like to take you back a couple of trimesters to the beginning of my pregnancy journey. So jump into my DeLorean as we time travel back to June, 2011...

* insert time travel sound effect here *

On June 22, 2011, I peed on the pregnancy test strip fully expecting to be wasting yet another $14.79. I’d been peeing on these expensive pieces of technology unsuccessfully for the past 10 months, and wondered why this time should be any different?

Yes, my period was late—but it’s quite unpredictable anyway. Yes, my breasts were tender—but they’re always tender before my period. Yes, I was tired—but I’m always tired before my period. Pregnancy symptoms and period symptoms were essentially the same thing, I had decided, but I’d better take the test if I wanted to have that glass of wine with dinner tonight. You know. Just to be safe...

Well, I’m sure you can see where this is going...but to my absolute excitement and surprise—the test turned positive mid-urine-stream! I was THAT pregnant! So incredibly-super-pregnant, that the test couldn’t even wait until I was done to process the results! (This is what I told myself anyway). I nearly dropped the test into the toilet with excitement as I did a silent early-morning dance in my bathroom, eyes welling up with tears, “Oh my God! Oh my God!” I repeated this phrase and dance for the next three minutes, not knowing where to go or what to do.

Still clutching the test in my hand, I spastically ran into the bedroom where my husband was still sleeping. I poked him vigorously in the arm, like a 6-year-old child who wants her parents to wake up on Christmas morning. “Guess what? Guess what?” Groggily, my husband rolled over.

I’m pregnant!”

We didn’t cry our eyes out (like I had always imagined) but instead held each other in a shocked embrace. I think the reality hit us all of the sudden: WE ARE GOING TO BE PARENTS. OH SHIT! WHAT HAVE WE DONE? We immediately started planning for RESP’s and discussed at what age we should allow our child to get their first tattoo.

We were going to be good parents, right? We knew what we were getting ourselves into when we signed up for this, right? * nervous laughter *

And, 33 weeks later—we are still nervously (and super-excitedly) laughing.

Stay tuned for my next travel-back-in-pregnancy-time post where I re-count my experiences in the first trimester. I need to get y’all (yes, I said y’all) up to date before baby warman shows it’s big head to the world in approximately 7 short (yet long) weeks!



A New (To-Be) Mother in the Hood

A First Time Mom Bares All

A New (To-Be) Mother in the Hood

Hello Yummy Mummiers!

My name is Jen Warman (formerly known as Jen Schlumberger, and sometimes known as a combo of the two names: Jen Warmberger) and I am thrilled to be blogging as part of the Yummy Mummy Club! So thrilled in fact, that I just squealed with excitement and peed a little. I’m going to blame that one on the baby that just kicked my bladder...Oh the joys of being 32-weeks-pregnant!

And just so we don’t get off on the wrong foot—I didn’t really just pee my pants—though I expect that might happen in the weeks or months to follow. Along with hemorrhoids, swollen ankles, and leaky boobs. This is all new to me, since this is my first baby—and I couldn’t be more excited. Or overwhelmed. I keep pinching myself, “Is this really happening? I’m about to become someone’s mother? But I can’t even put my own clothes in the laundry hamper, and I still lick maple syrup off my plate after pancakes...”

Oh dear...

There are also a few other things you should know about me, since we’re doing the formal “introduction” thing:

-I live with three furry men: my husband Tyler, my cat Grissom, and my dog Farley (and am about to live with a new and hopefully less-furry family member in the near future: arriving Feb. 24th 2012)

-I’m an only child

-I have a semi-concerning addiction to cereal

-I have an active imagination

-I’m a sucker for arm tickles

-I am an amateur stand-up comic who plans to do more shows in 2012 (I’ll keep you posted)

-I love improv, and am a graduate of the Second City conservatory program

-I sometimes convince my husband to play hide-and-go-seek with me when I’m bored. Nothing sexual. I just hide, and he finds me. Yep. I just admitted that publicly.

-I have a Bachelor of Communications—majoring in Television Production

-I also have a Bachelor of Education: Primary / Junior

-I sleep with my mouth open. It’s not pretty.

-I have an irrational fear of earthworms

Well, that’s about it for now. This should be a run ride folks! I don’t know what lies ahead, but I can promise you that I’ll keep you in the loop, and hopefully make you laugh a little (and pee a little) along the way as well.

If you have any other questions you’d like to ask me to get to know me a little better, feel free! I love meeting new people, and exposing my inner-most-personal-and-embarrassing-thoughts / fears / stories, etc...