Hooray for the holidays! Time off from school and work (presumably) to spend time with those you love (and those you're forced to "love" or at least pretend to like. That's why there's spiked eggnog, my friends!)
And as much as you're probably relieved to have some much needed rest, and some much needed chocolate-dipped-everything, there is something you might be fearing...
DAY AFTER DAY SPENT WITH...YOUR CHILDREN
Now, before you get your knickers in a knot, June Cleaver, just hold onto your apple pies for a minute and hear me out. We all love our children (presumably) but let's be honest: they can be exhausting. The days can be long. Yes, the years are short. But the days. Are. LONG. Like...Ron Jeremy long. Y'know? No. June Cleaver, you don't know. But everyone else reading this does.
So because I love you (and I do) I've come up with a list of fun things you can do over the holidays! Behold...
JEN WARMAN'S LIST OF AWESOME THINGS TO DO SO YOU DON'T GO CRAZY OVER THE HOLIDAYS!
1) PLAY IN THE SNOW. Yes it can be shitty, and yes it can be cold - but if you cant beat 'em, join 'em. Get bundled up and get outside. Shovel. Build a snowfort. Build a snow-man. Have a wresting match. It's good cardio (have you tried running in snowpants lately?) and it's a lot of fun!
2) BOARD GAMES! Unfortunately my kids aren't old enough for board games, but I absolutely cannot wait to spend hours upon hours playing Scrabble, Monopoly, or even Candyland. I'll wait until they're at least 5 to play Cards Against Humanity...Eeeek! I just love boardgames.
3) GO SEE A LIVE SHOW! If you're like me, and live anywhere near Toronto - you can check out a hilarious and awesome holiday comedy show for kids at The Second City. "The Naughty Listers" is guaranteed to make anyone in your family laugh (from ages 4 plus). There is something for everyone in this show. Seriously. From Obama references to #hashtags - it's a holiday comedy show the whole family can enjoy!
4) BE A TOURIST IN YOUR OWN CITY / TOWN: Are there places you've never gone, or rarely go to, in your own city? Well now is the time to go and explore them for yourself! We went to the Science Centre today and it was absolutely amazing. I forgot just how amazing it was. I seriously considered hiding out and spending the night just so I could keep playing (We've all had that fantasy, right?)
5) GET CRAFTY! Sure, you might hate arts and crafts, but do you know who doesn't? Your kids (most likely). So get in touch with your glittery side and get gluing! Pinterest can offer up many ideas - and simultaneously make you think "who the f-ck has time for this?" - but you'll thank me when this homemade playdough recipe buys you 2 hours to clean your floors and fold laundry (or drink more spiked egg-nog). Either way, it's a win-win if you ask me.
6) VISIT FRIENDS. 'Tis the season to visit family and friends. So do it. Call that friend you've been thinking about for ages and set up a time to hang out (with, or without the kids). Just do it. Seriously. Now. You'll thank me later.
7) READ MY BLOG. Hey, look! You're already doing it! Looks like you can scratch THAT off your list. Look how productive you've already been!!! *pats your back*
8) PUT A LIST OF IDEAS INTO A HAT AND...pull them out! Then do them! Let your kids come up with ideas, put them into a hat, and when they're feeling "bored" tell them to pick something out of the hat. If you want to be a jerk, throw in a few chores. Just for shits and giggles.
9) HAVE SEX WITH YOUR PARTNER. It's cold. You're cold. Get warm together. Maybe make another baby? Or not. But at least one of you will be happy (presumably) maybe both? (Let's hope both...)
10) I CAN'T THINK OF A TENTH THING, BUT I FEEL LIKE A LIST ISN'T COMPLETE AT JUST "NINE THINGS TO DO..." SO...HERE IS A PENIS MADE OUT OF KEYBOARD CHARACTERS: 8=====D
PS> This is personally my favourite blog post I've ever written, purely because of that penis. That one was for you, my dear belated friend Eric. You taught me how to make that, many years ago...
MERRY CHRISTMAS, AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!