Jen Warman: New Freakin' Mummy


The Perks of Pregnancy


perks of pregnancy, pregnancy symptoms, upside, positie outlook, optimism, jen warman, comedy, boobs, belly

Often in pregnancy we tend to complain. A lot. And usually, for good reason — there is a lot to complain about!

Nausea, back pain, hip-pain, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, gingivitis, swollen ankles, swollen feet, swollen everything, weight gain, constipation, random hairs, pubic-bone pain, vagina pain, breast pain, everything-on-your-body-pain, sleeplessness, nightmares, night sweats...

Shall I go on?

But all of that aside...there are some UP-SIDES of being pregnant? Get ready for a dose of optimism.


1) WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT, THERE IS A LOT OF SHIT YOU CAN'T DO. Trust me, this can be a good thing. "I'm sorry, I'd love to change the cat litter, but I guess that's off my to-do list for the next 40 weeks...." or what about, "Yikes, I'd love to clean the toilet but I probably shouldn't expose myself to harsh chemicals (but if you use green products like we do — this won't work as an excuse. Damnit. On second thought...screw you environment, I'm picking up some Mr.Clean on the way home..) 

2) YOUR BOOBS LOOK GREAT. Sure, the rest of your body might feel like it's going to shit, but these new teenage buoyant breasts are a fun perk for sure. Even if they're too tender for your significant other to touch. At least they look great, so enjoy them while they last, because if you're anything like me this might happen after you're done breastfeeding (if you choose to do so...) 

3) YOU CALL THE SHOTS. (Ha, like you didn't before anyway, right? Kidding. Mostly...) But now, no matter what, YOU WIN because you're growing a human and nothing can trump that. Your significant other says, "I had such a bad day at work." and you can say, "Yeah, me too. Plus, it felt like someone was carving hieroglyphics into my cervix with an ice pick. Did I mention I'm growing a human? Do you mind getting dinner started?" 

4) RANDOM RAGE IS JUSTIFIED. (This one is pretty self explanatory. You can also read more about my rage theory here).

5) YOU CAN END UNWANTED CONVERSATIONS QUICKLY. If you're in the middle of a boring conversation, you can excuse yourself with lines like, "Sorry, I just got kicked in the bladder. There is a very good chance I might piss myself if I don't go to the bathroom immediately."  

6) YOU'RE GROWING A HUMAN BEING. At the end of the day, this is what it comes down to, right? I mean, how freaky and sci-fi cool is it that you're growing a human being inside of you?!? Fingernails are developing, brain cells, lung fibres, bones, eyelashes...Blows. My. Mind. 

So the next time you think that being pregnant sucks, or you find yourself focusing on the negative, just look down at your protruding belly and think of all of the glorious advantages... ;)