Jen Warman: New Freakin' Mummy


The Superficial And Random Musings Of A Pregnant Woman


miley cyrus, wrecking ball, jen warman, comedy, breastfeeding, pregnancy, beauty, fitness

Do you ever look down at your arm, and wonder, "How did that three-inch black hair grow so long before I noticed?"

Have you ever looked at a video of Miley Cyrus riding a wrecking ball and thought, "Wow, she has a great body?" Completely ignoring the fact that in the next frame she's licking a hammer?

Have you ever caught yourself staring at a woman's butt while waiting in line at Tim Horton's and thought, "Wow, she's totally breaking the leggings rule...but it's okay because her ass is perfect. I sort of want to poke it, and see if it's real. Seriously. That is a perfectly sculpted butt." And then immediately feel a need to start doing squats in line?

Is it possible to convince yourself that labour the second time around won't hurt as much? 

Is it also fair to hope that your breasts might end up looking BETTER after breastfeeding your second child? Like, "Congratulations. You did it again! I'll replace your shriveled ballsacks with full and bouyant C cups!" 

Do you ever meet other mom's at local playgroups who are all decked out with make up and fashionable clothes and then instantly hate them a little bit? But at the same time, feel magnetically drawn towards them because you're hoping their gorgeousness will rub off due to sheer proximity? But then once you're close to them, you realize they can see your dry skin and smeared mascara—so you shrivel into a ball of self-hatred while secretly smelling their expensive perfume as you imagine that even their farts probably smell like Chanel no.5 ? 

That's all for today folks.

Welcome to the randomness of my brain. Have a great day!