TEN WAYS TO TELL YOU'RE A PARENT
(Because I'm assuming a lot of you were wondering this very question, "Am I? Am I really a parent?)
10) You've spat on your finger to wipe food / dirt / poo off of your child's face.
9) You've had saliva, urine, and feces sprayed / mashed / smeared on you at some point or another.
8) At any moment, you could cry. You never know when, but it could happen. Like. Right. Now. "They're so beautiful."
7) At any moment, you could rage. Like. Right. Now.
6) In your WORK bag, you find the strangest shit: soother, crushed juice box, half a crayon, lid to something, doll, mini truck, sandwich crust, rocks from the garden...
5) You see danger around every corner. And if it's a sharp corner — you pad it.
4) You do shit you never thought you'd do, and think "I'm sorry for judging you other parent that I judged that one time..." (and let's be honest, it was more than just one time). You now have that kid.
3) You have 1,756 photos on your phone and 1,752 of them are of your child / children (2 are of your dog, and 2 you accidentally took of your own face because your camera was facing the wrong way on your phone when you were trying to photograph your child.)
2) Your dog (aka your first baby) is terribly neglected: needs a haircut, probably has fleas, and only gets fed if you remember...
1) And the number one way you can tell that you're a parent? Your heart always aches with a love so heavy that you finally understand why parents do the crazy shit they do for their children.
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