Jen Warman: New Freakin' Mummy


"Hey! I Have A Penis!"


My son is now ten months old, and only recently did I stop getting into the bath with him. This seems ridiculous, I know—but it was the easiest way (I found) to bathe him without fear of losing grip of his slippery body or without crushing my ribcage against the hard porcelain tub. Therefore: bathtime for Cole also meant bathtime for Mommy.

Well for Christmas, Cole got some awesome new bath toys, and after talking to a friend—I decided I'd be brave and try this whole "bathing alone" thing (and by bathing alone, I mean "bathing-while-moms-hands-are-always-on-me-and-I'm-only-in-an-inch-of-water") Don't forget. I'm a Safety Susan.

Anyway, I was very excited for Cole to play with his new bubble-blowing penguin, and his water-squirting dolphin, but guess what his new favourite toy is?

That's right.

His penis. 

As soon as I sit him in the bath, he bends over, uses his hands to shoo away any bubbles, and grabs onto his penis. He gets so happy to see it. He starts talking to it.

"Oh hello friend! Who are you? Where have you been hiding out? You are a very interesting fellow. I like you!"

My husband and I laugh, and thoroughly enjoy watching this little interaction take place. We even asked ourselves, "Is it wrong that we find this so incredibly amusing?" But no, I don't think so. It's just amazing to see a child discover ANY new body part. And this one in particular is just very fascinating because it's too far away for him to really get up close and examine, so he has to stretch it and bend over as far as he can just to get a closer look. He pulls and squeezes it into all sorts of shapes. I asked him if he was auditioning for Puppetry of the Penis (I haven't seen this show, to be honest) but this also got me thinking—why isn't there a "Puppetry of the Labia" show? 

As a society, we seem to be so much more accepting of little boys playing with their junk than we are of little girls. In fact, you almost never hear about or talk about little girls playing with their genitals. When little boys do it, we consider it "normal" and "funny" (though when they get a bit older we say things like "don't do that in public, that is a private act" etc etc) but what about little girls? If our little girl were to constantly touch her clitoris/labia we might freak out and think there is something wrong with her. It's just not fair. If my future daughter wants to play with her labe in the bath, I'll also find this amusing and hilarious. Just so you know. 


That's my penis story for the day. And my vagina/labia rant. 

Tell me: when did your child discover his penis? Or better yet—tell he when they STOPPED playing with it? He hasn't? Ever? Yeah. That's what I thought.