Jen Warman: New Freakin' Mummy


We Bought A Mini-Van


Five Symptoms of Parenthood

5. At times when a cloth isn't available, you've rubbed the spit-up INTO your shirt to get it "clean"
4. Your child is better dressed than you 
3. You cry harder than they do for ____(insert a thousand various scenarios here)_____
2. You worry about them. Constantly. Forever. Always. 
1. You own a mini-van.
Until recently, I could only tick four of these things off of my Parenthood list. But that's right ladies and gents, the time has come. I can now tick #1 off of my list:
I'm so freaking excited. It's the good old generic Grand Caravan, and I couldn't be happier. We looked at other brands and models, but we just couldn't beat the price or the reviews. It has stow-and-go seating and that addictive new car smell. And when I drive it, I feel like a king on the road. I can SEE and I have POWER. It makes me think maybe I should tint the windows, get a fuzzy dice for the rearview, and perhaps install some hydraulics. I'll listen to really crappy bassy music and crank it loudly with my windows down. Yeah. Totally. I'm so going to do that. (So *not* going to do that) 
But this idea puts me in mind of one of my favourite marketing videos of all time—it's an oldie, but a goodie. I remember when this video first came out, my friend emailed me (back before facebook, and twitter—when people actually communicated this way. *gasp*) and she said "Oh my god Jen, I could soooo see you making this video!" I was instantly sad that I wasn't a part of it's creation, but love(d) it nonetheless.
Alright, well I have some groceries to do, and some errands to run. And a few friends to pick up for coffee. And a dog to drop off at the groomers. And a few large items to take to the post office. And guess what? I can do it ALL IN ONE TRIP because...thats right bitches....(excuse the profanity. I was a bad-ass in a previous life)
I HAVE A MINI-VAN!!!!!!!!!!
*Annoying Finger-Snap Motion* 
*Walks away with pants hanging off of bum*